edward fox’s reality

Rated TV-14 for Mature Language. Reality.

I’m so sick of it! I swear.

Or maybe I don’t. But I’m still sick of it!

What if you have a friend that you make out with a lot? What if you still want to talk to that person, and enjoy talking to them, but you that person doesn’t actually want to go out with you? For lack of a better fake name, let’s go with Maria… because that’s obviously hispanic, I think.

So, Maria’s a hot hispanic girl, and that’s all good and nice. Every now and then, we make out. Woot. Woot. Woot. We lie down, and just lay with each other. Lately, we haven’t had a lot of time to talk to each other. Unfortunately, a recent incident caused us to be unable to freely talk in person. We have to act as if we don’t even really know each other in person, and that sucks. Fortunately, we still make time to talk on the phone. A lot. It’s just the fact that… I’m looking for something different.

It seems like I’m always looking for something different. No matter what I do, I always end up seeming to care more about the other person, regardless of what level of friendship or a relationship I’m looking for.

This isn’t always the case. A more recent relationship has shown that I have greatly lost my attraction to the person I’m currently going out with, mainly due to the fact that I want my ex and my friend Maria. This causes quite a mess.

If the wrong people read this blog entry, I’m done for.

So it’s this odd little competition within myself. Should I be happy enough that I’ve been chosen by my friend to make out with, without any ties? Should I want more?

Hah, no, but that’s the way humans function. What we have now will never be enough. When we get what we want, we will want to go further… Oh, I just want to be friends… no wait, let’s make out. Friends with slight benefits… No, that isn’t enough. Let’s do more. Very well. I want to go out. Let’s go out. Yay. Let’s do more. More. More.

There’s nothing wrong if it’s a natural progression, based on elements of communication and attraction (and not just ‘hottness’, as I like to call what stupid people chase after, ignoring a person’s true self–what’s inside).

I’ll admit it. I’ve given into pretty people. They bored the shit out of me, but hell was it fun to make out with them.

I guess I really haven’t established a firm goal to all this rambling. Let’s make one.

I want someone. I want them now. I know who I want, but the interactions with other people are causing conflict.

That’s it. I’m going to teach you all a lesson.

GO AFTER WHAT YOU WANT. This is mierda in its purest form. Shit, to be technical in English. I’ve been trying lately, but the level of want is certainly not mutual, or does not seem that way. I’ve gotten sick of how people expect me to know what they want. Why don’t we all try a new concept, and share with each other how we feel?

All too often, we like absorbing ourselves within ourselves, preventing our true self from being reflected in our daily actions, words, whatever.

I unfortunately don’t know _exactly_ what I want, thus the confusion… More on this later. I’m tired.

I bought my first major discounted item at BBY! I got a 512MB MP3 Player. Lovely.

This entry was posted on Sunday, May 1st, 2005 at 10:02 pm and is filed under Awaiting Categorization. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.