edward fox's reality

Rated TV-14 for Mature Content.

Two nights ago, I went to sleep rather early. I guess I was just too tired of staring at a computer. Go figure. I woke up a few minutes late, but truly maintained my schedule, and accomplished everything I wanted to this morning. That doesn’t go for last night. I didn’t complete my English homework, mainly since I can barely understand any literature. I’m just that stupid!

[2 Images were Duped-- Deleted!]

I’m taking the SATs soon. I don’t know on what day, but I need to study seriously for that thing. Serious, right, and I put it off this long–lovely.

Procrastination. I’m one of the most guilty of this deadly attribute. It’s also a really long word. Who likes really long words associated with them?

I know in one of my longest personal endeavors of losing weight (my biggest problem with my self-image) I may have succeeded, but not nearly as much as I need to. That’s why I’ll probably consider making a little chart that follows my progress on numerous fronts. Some of those, of course, will not be as public. With that said, I’ll post all of them, but simply require a password the whole page. If you track my progress with me, then there’s bound to be something interesting, right?

Just, one of the problems with change is, change. A lot of people say to never change who you are. Let’s face facts, though–we’re all changing anyway. Our attitude, mindset, abilities, intelligence, whether in a positive or negative direction. The “direction” that each one is is up to you… if you get what I’m saying. Sometimes, it’s better to adapt to the environment around you. Now, if one part is changing for the better, but other parts of that environment refuse to change, there’s been a kink in the effectiveness of that person’s abilities, so it seems that you are ruining it for them because you didn’t change! I’m not saying, however, that you should allow other people to control WHAT you should change about yourself. My list of self-improvements can go on, and some of them (not many, and certainly not all) are in progress, so I’m getting there, slowly.

Being Accepted. Isn’t that lovely? We’re not speaking about it in the college sense. We all want to be accepted by other people, but due to one reason or another, it doesn’t happen. Or maybe, (get ready for it…) we simply care too much.

In my recent ‘investigations’, if you will, I’ve found that the more you care, the less you get in return. Now now now! This is not to say that if the other person already cares about you equally that this will be beneficial at all, because it will not. However, not caring as much will cause you to not be affected by certain situations. Yes, it is good to care, when the other person shows the same level of caring.

>>>If this doesn’t make sense, it shouldn’t. So, ignore everything I’ve just typed, and we’ll try again, with a better level of organization. And, yes, I’m serious.

Last night, I went to sleep rather early. I guess I was just too tired of staring at a computer. Go figure. I woke up a few minutes late, but truly maintained my schedule, and accomplished everything I wanted to this morning. That doesn’t go for last night. I didn’t complete my English homework, mainly since I can barely understand any literature. I’m just that stupid!

I’m taking the SATs soon. I don’t know on what day, but I need to study seriously for that thing. Serious, right, and I put it off this long–lovely.

I don’t know why it is that I put things off. Maybe because I feel I can never reach my goal, and if I do get closer to it, I just set stricter standards for myself and end up failing. So, what really is the best thing to do for myself? Simply back off and let life take control? In certain situations, but what about the rest?

The simple solution, stop procrastinating and push myself.

I know for years, I’ve expected people to change for me, which is just plain ignorant. The only one that should cause change is either someone you care about (oh here we go again) or someone that you know would cause a positive change in your life, simply by you listening to them. Are all changes that we make positive? It may be, for the time being. And, that’s the whole point.

I hear so much talk about wanting to get older, wanting to go to college. Why? Why do you not want to be free of debts and burdens, and less responsibility? Like a brilliant scholar (or a teenage kid named David Wilkins [go back in time... scroll down or go back a few pages to find references back to Aug 21st, 2004]) said, “You’re only [16/17] once.” Even though he might have suggested such, we always see little kids happy. Ever see a little boy or girl slice up their wrists or drink alcohol to make the pain go away? No. Some say it’s because our hormones naturally cause our bodies to get all freaked out at this age… unfortunately, there’s only documentation on such an idea starting in the Mid-50′s. Maybe society has progressed too quickly for us to keep up, or maybe, just maybe, we’re moving to fast for ourselves, and the rest of the world.

Maybe it’s time for all of us to show a little respect for one another (this is not a song lyric, I promise) and give a hug. Lol. That sounds homosexual, but… consider, whenever someone hugs you, it’s obvious that they care about you, right? Let’s all trying to show that we care more. That’s like, my lesson for this month. Caring. It’s a pretty big lesson when you think about it. We all have heard that most people are too busy worrying about what other people think about them while those people worry about what other people think. This ignorance and lack of our own feelings and emotions causes many of us to simply not know what the hell is going on with ourselves. We all act confused, but simply taking some time out every day to think, just a little, can cause people to really see what’s going on with themselves.

So, why be self-centered? This can be a bad thing, if you are worried about your self image (which is not really self-centeredness–it’s simply worrying about what other people think about you again) then you are not alone, and you realize that other people do matter, and can affect your decisions daily. This does not mean that they should be the ones who CHOOSE how you dress, act, whom you speak to. It simply implies that doing certain things causes you to become closer to certain people, and that is fine. You just need to be pleased, and know that you are comfortable with who you are.

I am obviously not comfortable with my weight, among many MANY other attributes… but, that will all be solved shortly…

So let’s talk about what was not mentioned that happened this week, at random. On Tuesday, I went to College Night, and randomly bumped into David yet again! THe week as a whole was rather irritating, since I was sick and people acted like they didn’t care.

On Friday, a fat substitute decided to send me to Mr. Reyes’ office… he still hasn’t called me, but will ‘get around to it’ on Monday.

I apparently forgot about the Fiesta Night at University of Texas at Dallas… and we reserved for tomorrow, but my mother whined for about 30 minutes incoherently on how she’ll have to drive 20 additional miles. I can sort of understand but she said I have no respect for people… I simply forgot. Everyone thinks I have no respect! I do! I’m trying.

That is all for today.