edward fox's reality

When class mixes with tastelessness, you get this. Alanis Morissette’s version of “My Humps”…. Enjoy.

Rated TV-PG for Mature Language. I’m sure “Fuck” wouldn’t have been said in “Ice Age,” but that’s for someone else to decide…

Why are we here? That’s a fairly odd question, isn’t it? It involves deep thought, provoking questions, and a bunch of other religious/technical crap that I don’t have time for…

…but one thing I can certainly do is question why we are here, and that’s what I’ll try to do tonight!

[Yes, this is the third blog entry in just 2 days. I'm hoping to write in this more often. It's a good release for emotions.]

I was let down tonight. I was all excited about meeting my new friend, Ivan, but somehow, it ended up falling through. I’m not sure about how or why it happened. All I know is that I was excited about it all day long, and I ended up sleeping the day away after I made it home, completely ecstatic about what was (supposed) to happen.

Does that mean that he didn’t want to see me? Doubtful. I am sure something came up. But then…

My ex calls me. It affected me. I am not sure why, but it did.

So with that, I ask you… why are we here? Is it to satisfy ourselves… the world’s need… or something else that we can’t even comprehend?

On the pilot episode of TNT’s “Saving Grace,” a show that I was instantly addicted to, Grace tries to get an angel to tell her if Heaven exists, and what it’s like, and what God’s like, and everything possible about the afterlife. Her questions were ignored. “You all ask the same questions,” replied her angel. “If I tell you everything, then where’s your faith?”

That’s what I think we don’t have enough of. Faith. We don’t believe things without seeing results. I’m one of those people. I think I should change that. I think I should be more positive.

But it’s not too easy being positive when negatives happen.

Pardon the language, but I had a shitty dream. I won’t go into too many details, but it involved my ex, and we were arguing. I guess that’s why I was affected by the phone call– we were arguing about phone numbers in the dream. The conversation on the phone, in reality, was perfectly satisfying. A little too satisfying.

Boy, am I fucking this one up.

I’m sure he won’t read this. That’s okay. I don’t write all of this for everyone’s enjoyment– I mainly write it for my own, to express thoughts that need expressing. I can’t go into too many details because then, where’s the faith?

I left voice mails for two different people yesterday. I’m 100% sure they’ll (a) never read this blog entry and (b) never know I was talking about them. I left brief messages, because we all know that most of the time, voice mails are ignored– they’re now treated like a missed call from an unknown number. Who cares? It’s just a voice mail, most of us say.

I’m one of the few that actually will check their voice mail as soon as possible. I can usually answer my phone anywhere, whether at work, home, or school, depending on how important the lecture is… but sometimes, I just can’t answer fast enough. Thankfully, there’s such an invention as a voice mail, but most people don’t even bother to leave me voice mails. I guess they assume that I received their missed call notification, even though I may not have had service at that time, which may have explained why I didn’t answer the call…

…but perhaps we didn’t think about that.

On top of that, I love people’s surprised reactions when they don’t even realize that they have a voice mail, while others blatantly will tell you, “Oh, I never check my voice mail.” OK, so disable it. You can do that? Seriously? Why yes, you can! It’s pretty easy. Dial “611″ from your phone (without the quotes, heh) and ask for it to be removed. Simple as pie!

But why would anyone want to do that? Perhaps that message was important, or maybe it could be saved to blackmail one of your exes! Who knows? The possibilities are genuinely endless, but without a truly plausible scenario for a voice mail (or so it seems), the reason for voice mails on cell phones is depleting. Now, it seems, text messages are taking extreme precedence over the need for voice mail. With text messages, they usually will receive it within a few seconds (unless they are in a poor coverage area). I know with Sprint, sometimes it would take up to an hour to receive a text. GSM networks (T-Mo, Cingular, etc.) are just better with this kind of thing.

But I don’t think that text messages should replace voice mails completely as far as importance. I think you should check your voice mail… it’s just a respect thing. Wouldn’t you want someone to do that for you?

It seems like we’re all losing respect…

…but that’s for another blog.

CHECK Yo’ MESSAGES.

Rated TV-14 for Mature Language. Bitch.

It doesn’t matter if you know the details of who I’m referring to, or as to what instances I am mentioning.

It doesn’t matter that as I cry now, I am crying because of the past, of what has become of me and my relationships, and what is becoming of them now.

It doesn’t matter that I don’t matter, it seems.

Why does the world care so little about someone who cares so much?

Perhaps I should become like every other heartless “prick” that you ladies and gentlemen can’t seem to deal with or want around. But do you know why they exist? Do you?

You did it to them. You heartless fucks.

That’s right. You created the ass hole, the bitch, the motherfucker. You created these words and shaped their meanings, and breathed life into the very depths of their creation. YOU. It was you, and your heartless, thoughtless actions. Congratulations. Feel proud of yourself– you’ve created a human monster.

That’s OK, though. You’ve expected that people could one day treat you this way. You’ve become accustomed to your own mistakes, then? Perhaps.

One thing I am is honest. I will not lie to you. I will never break your heart by you finding out some disgusting truth of me after the fact. That’s not who I am. I am sometimes blunt, but that goes with truth. I will NOT lie to you. I may deceive you, but we are all a deceptive people. That’s how we try to get our way. It may not always work, but we try… I am real… something that most people forgot how to be. I’m not afraid to show what I’m feeling and what I’m thinking. Everyone else who decides to conform to the ideal ways of thinking will further this problem of things that don’t matter… because it’s not your problem, is it? It’s mine? Really? Really? Really. Interesting. NO!

It’s not my fucking problem that you didn’t know how to treat someone else, and now, you created a human monster.

How can you people say you care, but show so little regard for who or what you are, and so little respect for what I am and stand for?

Maybe I’m just bitchy. That’s it.

When you’re in my position, feel what I feel, and you won’t be second-guessing what I’m saying as much. I guarantee it.

So why are we so fake? I think it’s an American thing. We don’t want anyone to really see who we really are. Rather pathetic, but that’s OK. We’re just a pathetic body of piss sometimes.

Oh I love you all.

Whatever.

If you love me, then I love you.

Really?

Really?

Really.

Interesting.

That’s how I feel right now. I’m not disappointed, though. I know things will look up. I just hope he knows that I care deeply for him and hope the best for us… I do.

The Higher presents “Rock My Body,” a rock song with a very different message than the title implies… Blog post to follow shortly. If you care to listen to the song, click here: [link] This can be everyone’s cup of tea… and wait until you get to the final 30 seconds. You’ll completely fall in love with it. Even with that said, my mood is not the best… Things are going on and they hurt, so without further ado, the lyrics for “Rock My Body.”

I thought the way that she moved meant the way that she tasted,
I could rip the seams right through her lips,
A captivating experience that left me here,
That intoxicating kiss,
But tonight, I’m setting all my memories aside,

So why don’t we trace the footsteps back into our past with the ones we’ve lost?
Too many bad mistakes were made,
No one should have to take the fall for it, when it’s our life to live,

Go, you move we go, now don’t go,
You move we don’t, now go,
Now don’t you move, we won’t go, now don’t go, go,
Found out the way that he moved,
Found out the way that he tasted,
Then he ripped the seams right from her lips,
Never thinking the first time that they met, would be the last she saw of him,

Is glamor an issue while balancing reason?
Are we all waiting to destroy
The things in life we are made of?
A blessing we’re tasting,
And come so fond to recreate,
I can feel the expansion, resembling patterns,
Disguising everything, and what we have to relate,
And it’s all for this one dance,

So why don’t we trace the footsteps back into our past, with the ones we’ve lost?
Too many bad mistakes were made,
No one should have to take the fall for it, when it’s our life to live…

I am watching over you from the stars,
Don’t be scared, I know exactly where you are,
And there’s a piece of me and it’s burning in your heart,
Even death could never tear us apart…

Yess kiddo thanks for making me a account!

yay and the last comment was better sucks that I didnt save it!

i also wish you all of luck with mr.daniel!

—

Editor’s Note: This post was written by Chris C. Check his MySpace out; find the link on the right of this entry.

I guess the best category for this blog entry would be “life,” right? :]

I am happy to report that I am, er, happy, and it’s all because of Daniel.
It’s pretty great how life can be!

Daniel makes me happy. I can’t wait till I can see him this weekend!
:]

Just thought I’d update everyone!

That’s how I’m feeling right now. I’m not really sure what’s going on. Being clueless is fruitless, but it’s all about that damned DVD scene from two posts ago.

Right now, I want to step away from my life, and live as someone else. I don’t feel like I’m worth anything at the moment. It sucks pretty hard.

That’s why I’m begging to come across a fast-forward button for the world around me… But that won’t happen. I’m just hoping the future will be better than the past.

Yep, let’s hope…

Life, it’s killing me.