edward fox's reality

Note: It looks better if you click the title “Wake-Up Call!”, so that all the formatting is properly displayed.

It’s time… It’s been time. I just feel like I’ve disappointed myself. Perhaps, it’s just because of what I’m going through right now, but I honestly don’t think that’s really why. There are other issues that have been uncovered because of the recent events over the past few days. Certainly, Jose has not caused how I feel. Funny that I say that, but that’s how life is. For now, it’s over, and I am learning to accept that. Life goes on, though. He’s still my best friend, no matter what, and I will definitely be focusing much more on our friendship and finding new ways to become closer to him so that I can entertain him even more.

Not only that, but that is going to happen with other people as well… I want to embrace the people I am friends with already, but I know I am an interesting person. I just need to figure out when to express that, how, and how often.

I just find everything weird… I always feel like things are happening at the wrong time for the wrong reason, but is that really what is happening? Is it? It just makes me appreciate what we had, but I appreciate what we have now even more because it is the present, and of course, there is nothing like the present. The more I think about it, the more pleased I am, because I know I have the energy in me to change, because I need to be a better person than I am. For years, I’ve gone against what I truly wanted to do, but I’m going to do it. There are so many things I need to work on, but for now, I’ll make a brief list as to what I want to change. I don’t expect these things to happen immediately, especially on some of them, but I want to make a promise with myself and to the people who care about me that I will work on them as best I can. Consider it a personal reconstruction:

• Appearance: Take more control of my hair (facial and head ), care more about how I look so that I can feel better about myself, and more confident in any situation;
• Physical: Lose weight. Goodness. Clear up my face. Get muscles. Get abs
• Attitude: Reduce negative statements. Eliminate hesitation to do things I want to do. Just attempt to enjoy life while getting things I need to get done, done. To not always be in control and not always be in the center of things.
• Thought Process: Stop thinking so negatively. Realize that people are generally good, and apply this daily, every second. Be more outgoing, just for the hell of it. That’s all. For the hell of it. That’s the whole point. Consider myself before others. Be selfish, but not self-centered.

At times, it’s hard to consider that I need to improve upon all this, but unfortunately, I am brought into the next category of improvement which must occur.

Medication for the Following. My physician believes that I have the first two categories that may require treatment, but as for the third listed, he thinks it is questionable at this time:

• Mild Depression: In mild depression a person’s mood is low. This depressed mood is usually triggered by an identifiable event or stressor that occurred in the previous few months. It is a very common experience, in general, and is also common among university students who are often exposed to various stressors.
• Anxiety Disorder: The essential characteristic of Generalized Anxiety Disorder is excessive uncontrollable worry about everyday things. This constant worry affects daily functioning and can cause physical symptoms. GAD (Generalized Anxiety Disorder)Â can occur with other anxiety disorders, depressive disorders, or substance abuse. GAD is often difficult to diagnose because it lacks some of the dramatic symptoms, such as unprovoked Panic Attacks, that are seen with other anxiety disorders; for a diagnosis to be made, worry must be present more days than not for at least 6 months. The focus of GAD worry can shift, usually focusing on issues like job, finances, health of both self and family; but it can also include more mundane issues such as, chores, car repairs and being late for appointments. The intensity, duration and frequency of the worry are disproportionate to the issue and interferes with the sufferer’s performance of tasks and ability to concentrate.
• Attention Deficit Disorder: According to the DSM-IV (the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fourth Edition) some common symptoms of ADHD include: often fails to give close attention to details or makes careless mistakes; often has difficulty sustaining attention to tasks; often does not seem to listen when spoken to directly; often fails to follow instructions carefully and completely; losing or forgetting important things; feeling restless, often fidgeting with hands or feet, or squirming; running or climbing excessively; often talks excessively; often blurts out answers before hearing the whole question; often has difficulty awaiting turn. AD/HD is a diagnosis applied to children and adults who consistently display certain characteristic behaviors over a period of time. The most common core features include:
• distractibility (poor sustained attention to tasks)
• impulsivity (impaired impulse control and delay of gratification)
• hyperactivity (excessive activity and physical restlessness)

Now, it is about an hour and a half after I have started writing this entry, and I feel a lot different. A good different. I feel like I do have the friends to support me. Mainly, I’d like to thank Cal, Aaron, Vince, Johnny, and of course, Jose, because without all of you, me feeling better would not have been possible. It’s just amazing how talking like this helps unlock thought patterns I never knew I had felt. There are very few other things that I need to work on, which are entirely personal, but could possibly affect others. Under no circumstance, of course, will certain things be revealed. Always nice to leave the readers guessing at least a little, right? (;

Seriously.

THANK YOU! All Of You!

You all have helped me in one way or another… It just takes little things. I’ll close this up with something upbeat. It’s a good start to the end of the day.

SHOUTOUTS!

Jose: Thank you for allowing us to talk @ night still. Just keeping up to date with you is all I need to keep happy! You are my best friend and I will never be able to thank you enough for all that you’ve done and still do for me. You’re cool and an awesome guy

Cal: You are my good buddy, and of course my best friend. You really are almost always here when I need you, and when you are, you are always willing to help me or just hang out with me so I can feel better. Thanks for being here when I needed you most over the past few days.

Aaron: Thank you for allowing me to help you out when you needed it most. Being able to express yourself is important–remember that. Keep posting to my blog and if you know anyone else that wants to as well, do let me know. You’re a great person.

Johnny: You are just crazy. Thank you for saying you’ll always be here for me. It meant a lot, and of course, still does. Of course, of course, of course. Yeah. Sometimes, you’re a bit quiet, but you’re just distracted by that ant. Thank you very much, regardless.

Vince: You called me at just the right time. Thanks for rambling to me and asking when we could hang out again. That really helped how I felt tonight. Even without mentioning anything about it, you helped! Thanks a million.

With all of you combined, I know I’ll be able to improve my life, and provide a better experience in your life as well. I look forward to the day when I can be completely free expressing what I truly want to, how I want to, without offending anyone, because that’s how I really feel. But, especially, thank you, Jose. I know I am a handful, and I just want to thank you for just being a good guy through it all… a great guy. My best friend You all kick ass.

‘Tis all for tonight. I hope this gets some comments, ya hurr’d? Goodnight.