edward fox’s reality

Pre-First: Please click the entry header (above ^^^) to see all text PROPERLY FORMATTED! I can’t stress this enough. Thank you in advance! :)Â

First, let’s handle some business:
 [<< click me for important news!]

How about the calm after the storm?…

“My God, what a wonderful line!”

            -Blanche Devereaux, Golden Girls, referring to a quote she said after staying awake for more than two days straight and being extremely delusional while trying to write a romance novel.

Hah. I’m addicted to that crap. But, that really does bring along a few relevant points:

• Why don’t we look to the good that happens after the fact?Â
• I’m obsessed with the Golden Girls.Â
• I never realized I would love bullet-point-style writing so much.

All right, some of us must be asking, “what good that happens?” How can you possibly estimate goodness? Yes, I said goodness. Get over it. There’s a very hazy line, and you must have a clear, unbiased state of mind while trying to do this. So, let’s try a little exercise, and play a little event out, shall we?

You wrecked your mommy’s car… all right, this example is a little personal–moving on. Now, how can you possibly see the good in that? You can see the bad: she will be pissed, she will have to pay more money, she will now have a hard time trying to get you a car… oops. But, let’s see the good, if possible: she may let you drive her next car (my mother did), she may help you with car payments when you get your own if you are responsible and don’t get into more accidents… even if you do get a speeding ticket (needless to say, my mommy did).

So, the point I’m trying to make is, maybe there is good in everything that happens to us. Not to say that what happens to us is best, though. All too often, we don’t exactly know what we are doing, or we think we know what the outcome will be. But how can we possibly know that, by swatting this fly in this location, the rest of the world will live unhappily ever after, just like the TV show? We don’t know that, so we have to go on our past. Let our past shape our future, right? Eh. I’d like to think that’s true, but I don’t want to see it that way.

I want to let my past distinguish me from the present, and have the present shape my future.

At this time, I’m heavily working on the following areas:

• Weight Loss: I’ve been exercising and lifting weights. That kicks ass. And I just started this today, and I already feel 10x better!
• Attitude Adjustment: No longer am I starting needless arguments. I am trying to remain as cool as possible. Regardless of what problems I have, until I get the proper medication, it is still my responsibility to take control of myself, not others; we are all in control of ourselves, and that is what I need to learn most.
• Self Appreciation/Worth: This is seriously the most important of them all. The problem I had for years was simply not appreciating everything I had accomplished. In turn, I simply criticized myself more for the things I did not accomplish. Trying to constantly improve myself without complimenting myself proved to be deadly. Well, not deadly- I’m still here. But, nonetheless, it proved to hurt and hinder, and certainly not help.
• Self-Realism: This is a bit different than my own appreciation. This is being me, and representing what I am without infringing upon other’s rights to express themselves, as well. Why insult others if you don’t want to be insulted? Why correct them if you don’t want to be corrected?* It’s time to be me, and more importantly… [see next bullet]
• Social/Networking Skills: I need to be myself without hesitation. Once I get over the hurdle, or at least lower the hurdle height, of being negative or worrying about saying negative remarks, my conversational flow will be a lot easier, because then I will have much more time to listen to what people are saying around me, and then tune into what they have to say, and then I can expand my mind, because that’s something all of us want to do, right? [Editor’s Note (that’s me): That sentence has 73 words in it. Holy …. indeed.]

But, there’s still so much to learn, and explore. I have designated each day of the week to have a different focus for my mind. Though I will be trying to apply all of the following techniques equally, each day will have a unique emphasis, so that my mind isn’t so distracted by so many thoughts attempting to converge in this little brain of mine, causing even more confusion than I started off with. Observe (each day of the week is hidden to protect confidentiality of the treatment :P):

• No Jealousy Day: Who cares? Other people are doing something. You are doing something else. Sure, what they are doing may be funner, but they can’t do it forever.
• Crush Negative Thoughts Day: ZAP! BAM! POOF! Get rid of all that shit that’s holding you back. It’s time to breathe easy today.
• Educate Me Day: Buy books, read ‘em, explore your world, venture out to where you never thought you could. Be free.
• Be Social/No Negative Thoughts Day: All right! You heard right. This is a day where I explicitly focus on getting to know new people. Of course, if I’m somewhere hanging out with someone on any day, and regardless of if I am at home, with someone, or out in public by myself, I will be attempting to just socialize with people. It’s something I do, but I don’t make enough of an effort. I just need to open up my arms and find people who I can connect with. Yep yep!
• ??? Day: This is a mystery day! Anything goes here! It’s also because I didn’t fill in anything on this day in my planner. Oh, I got it! Let’s call this Social/Organize It/Catch-Up Day! I will catch up on all the things that need attending to, such as some schoolwork, studying, projects, or clean my room, organize files on my computer, or just go out and have a good time if work allows. [That’s a pretty vague hint as to what each day is…]
• Chill Day: Yeah, I need to have a day to just kick back. I’m sure that will rarely happen on this day, though–work ensues. [Bigger hint…] I will still be smiling to keep me, and you, happy.
• No Jealousy Day: You heard right! Another No Jealousy Day. Why be jealous of other people, if they’re not you? Once I am able to enjoy myself, jealousy will disappear, because I will know I am worthy.

So, let’s sum this entry up. I am hoping to love myself a lot more, and of course, if I don’t love myself, I won’t be able to love or care for others. That was my mistake in the past. I tried to rush through it all, and I regret it. That is the only thing I regret, and I am already making so much improvement, and I have you to thank. Enough sappiness.

SHOUTOUTZ SECTION, PART DEUX. [I love saying “Part Two” in.. French? Yeah.]

• Chris: You were great today. Lunch kicked ass. Thank you for telling me the truth about how you think I can improve! You’re a great best friend, C-Cisco
• Jose: You are awesome. You know you are. I just love talking to you as a person more and more… why I didn’t realize this sooner, I regret, but that is no longer. We live now, and the future awaits!
• Vince: OK. Thanks for calling me randomly That was cool. HAHA. You freaked the crap out of me anyway, though.
• Becky: Come on, girl! Show some love for Sara! She’s all right (:
• Jose:Â You are awesome. You know you are. I had to repeat that. Lmao.
• Zack: You’re still my best friend You know that. We just don’t talk even 20% as much! What’s up wit dat?!

Did you want to be mentioned? If so, become my friend, and mean something to me. Though everyone does, you have to make a truly special impact on my life… and all it may take is a simple “Hello” in my direction. Enjoy the present. Your future depends on it. Out.

*Few people have the right to do this. You know who you are. Correct me all you want–I look forward to it.

This entry was posted on Monday, April 10th, 2006 at 10:14 pm and is filed under Humor, Life, Oddly Enough, The Deep End. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.