edward fox’s reality

Rated TV-PG for Mild Language

I guess life would be the appropriate category for this post, eh?

Right now, quite a few things are confusing me. I don’t know what I should be doing. I know what I want to do, but even then, I know I shouldn’t, because … well, life is confusing.

Right now, I wish I wasn’t so sick. I’m cold and hot at the same time and no matter what time of day or night it is, I feel tired, irritable, and it’s getting on my nerves. I’m unsure of how people feel about me, and this is constantly running through my mind. Lately, it just feels like everything is falling apart– I hate that feeling. Why can’t life just be more enjoyable all the time? I’m not saying let it be pleasurable all the time, but why do I have to feel like something is wrong? When I said that Sunday was perfect, I had a feeling things wouldn’t be great since then, and sure enough, things all seem to be going wrong.

That isn’t to say that I don’t appreciate what I have in my life, but how can I appreciate it if I can’t really enjoy it?

I want to get things done, but I can’t. My mind is too distracted by what could happen or what already has. It’s like I can feel when something’s going to happen, but in this case, my sickness just makes my mind completely confused. It can’t think into anything, much less positive into anything. Long story short, nothing is truly wrong, but my mind is making me run in circles thinking something is.

I just want to be free dammit. I hate feeling like someone’s holding a pillow over my face. I’m just sitting in my house and I’m sweating. No, I’m not that fat. But I don’t want to be here. I want to be anywhere but here. I feel like I’m alone, but I know I am not alone. I just feel so disoriented. My heart and brain hurt. Why can’t this mess go away? I just want it to go away. Time, speed up, because I don’t like what I feel right now. Life isn’t so easy. It can’t always be how we want it to be.

I know what I know.

I can’t feel what I want to feel.

But I know what I know, and that is all that matters.

— Lyrics : “Kind of Perfect” - Armor for Sleep —

can i just be something
somewhere in your room
but you wont notice
maybe ill be paper
or books thrown on your floor
move me when you want to
ill lay where you put me
in your VCR
if i become a cassette
or on top of your computer
if that’s where i would fit
then so be it
but things cant be perfect
all the time
that i know
sometimes we just have to let some things go
i will not say one word
ill just hang around
i wont annoy you at all
when you move out ill stay
until i’m thrown away
but then it wont matter
things cant be perfect
all the time
that i know
sometimes we just have to let some things go
because
things cant be perfect
all the time
that i know
sometimes we just have to let some things go
i promise to stop now
to stop now
i promise to stop now
to stop now
but things cant be perfect
all the time
that i know
sometimes we just have to let some things go
things cant be perfect
all the time
that i know
sometimes we just have to let some things go
letting go is my life
ill be on my way.

This entry was posted on Thursday, May 18th, 2006 at 3:35 pm and is filed under Life, Oddly Enough. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.