edward fox's reality

It seems I’ve been falling quite behind in these entries. I write them out on paper, then I’m too lazy to actually fill it in on the computer (typing it out)… Actually, I’ve just been rather busy with life. I’m trying to get out more, I’m going out with the best person ever, and, yeah… [This intro. was originally typed out on Sept. 20th]… Now, on with the post.

Hmm. Last night was different, just like every night–one different from the next. I almost fell asleep repeatedly in my BIO Class. I’ve never felt that tired in any class… I feel like History class is going to be a lot easier than I first thought, but the real challenge will be life.

One thing you won’t see me do is mention a situation which is on its way towards resolving or corrupting a relationship. [Go look up relationship on google in case you are thinking it just means someone you're dating.] Moving along… People frequently post problems on their blog, which makes me automatically assume that the problem won’t be resolved. If it is, then I have to look back and see complaints about my life… What good does that do me? Let me state there is a difference between expressing how you feel in an entire post as opposed to just ranting & discussing all aspects of your life in one post. I had a little–OK, big–problem with Mark a few days ago, someone that I care about a lot. f he has a problem with me, then it is certainly something that I care about. I recently lost a friend that I had enjoyed hanging out with… Instead of focusing my confusion and swirl of emotions on that friend, I redirected it to someone I had cared about in my life, since I was talking to him on the phone while it just kept getting worse. So I picked up one tiny, insignificant part of something he said and bitched and moaned about it–nice going, self. I could’ve hung out with him the next day, but I decidwed to let little, insignificant “stupid shit” (as worded by Mark himself) get to the better of me…

So why do I do that? I feel weird right now, but before I get to that, let me just say this–I resolved it wll with Mark and am happy that it was resolved. I am very good about knowing how people are shortly after meeting them… Unfortunately, I have ruined a lot of opportunities to have a good, solid relationship because of that attitude. So with whatever previous knowledge I had about treating people, I had to apply it… There’s a different between having knowledge about something, and actually doing it… They are two very different things.

You must learn from your mistakes. Must must must! I felt it was going to be a huge challenge to not bitch about everything… and sometimes, I feel like it’s necessary, but only when it’s truly necessary… I am slooooooowwwwwwly learning not to take things so critically. I already see an immediate effect because of it. I feel like more people want to talk to me, and that isn’t because I am changing any part of my seriously quirky (and F-ed up?) personality… which I do have, by the way. It’s because I’m just not thinking about everything that could go wrong…

Ever heard of a phrase similar to, “Expect the worst, so that when it does happen, it’s as bad as you expected, and when it doesn’t, you should feel better.”? OK, obviously that was too long to be a bonafide quote, but I’m questioning the validity of it… Should we anticipate the worst, or is that “Hateful thinking”? What a weird phrase… then again, “Withful thinking” has caveats, too, though…

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Caveat: A warning; a note of caution.
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So how about this concept– remain positive, stay positive, until it isn’t worth worrying about… Then you can just stop caring instead of thinking negatively about something/thing, right? Crumbs from my sandwich are all over me and I’m thirsty, so I am going to sum this up– Believe what people say. Believe that people are generally good… at least, the ones that care… =]