edward fox's reality

If you have a crappy computer or a shitty monitor, feel free to ignore this blog entry, as you won’t be able to appreciate the full awesomeness of the apparel I am about to present you with. If you do, and you’re not a broke ass, continue to enjoy this entry.

So I’m a fat, obese fuck. Oh, some of you think I’m exaggerating. I am being completely serious and medically accurate. I used to be at a BMI as low as 24.5, which is still borderline on being overweight (not to be confused with a BMI of >30, which is considered obese, and >35, which is extremely obese)… my BMI has shot up to ~31.5 within two and a half years, and that is sick, literally.

I know I take a lot of pictures that make me seem slimmer than I really am, and honestly, if you all thought I was fat at all in some of my other pictures, you guys were too stuck-up, even for me. I weighed 40-65 lbs. less in some of my older pictures, and I want to get down to that weight, and lower, way lower. I know that I will never be a twig– I don’t plan on wanting to be. I am not a femm; I am a straight-acting guy and I don’t need to slim down to fit in girl jeans. I want to look hawt, and to me, not wearing clothes meant for your gender (unless there’s some hawt shirt which could pass off as a guy’s shirt, too) is not attractive at all in my book. I feel sorry for your genitals, silly boys with tiny balls.

So I found inspiration to correct this health and emotional issue. That’s right — there’s not one minute of every day that I don’t think about my weight. I don’t understand how extremely overweight/obese people can feel comfortable and continue to eat unhealthy food. That said, I no longer eat fast food. I will eat out once a week or every other week, but that is an extreme reduction compared to how I used to eat. I used to eat a nice greasy breakfast (which isn’t bad seeing as your metabolism is highest in the morning and gets it started early). I’d follow that up with a decent lunch from never just one fast food joint– usually two. I would hit up McDonald’s for two or three burgers (no joke), and then go to Taco Bell for a few tacos and nachos. Sick, eh? Dinner usually ended up being served up by Taco Bell and McDonald’s again. Totally sick. I saw Supersize Me but it apparently didn’t get to me much.

So. What will?

I am grateful for Comedy Central. This will be the first, and probably only, time which I will say such a ludicrous thing. I received my entire value from it, though, when I was watching George Lopez. He was pretty entertaining tonight, sans his obnoxious stereotypes of Mexicans and crackers, but then he was followed up by a morbidly obese Hispanic which caught my attention. He was featured on MySpace secret stand-ups (comedians) and once again, he was invading my life, and perhaps this happened for a reason. Presenting, the extremely greasy, fat, disgusting, filthy bastard known as Gabriel Iglesias:

Don’t get me wrong– I enjoyed his comedy, but for someone that huge to refer himself as “fluffy” is just sick. He’s not fluffy– he’s fucked up. There wasn’t a five-second period during the entire two-hour show that I didn’t think about his weight and how unhealthy this poor bastard must be…

He is now my source of extreme inspiration for weight loss. When I have reached my final goal (yet to be determined), I’ll write him a long letter, along with photos I will have taken along the way to my success, showing him that he can live a healthier life as well.

That said…

In the coming blogs, I will present my favorite clothing and accessories from my favorite design label, Diesel. I’m sorry that I am not a slave to Prada, D&G, or A&F. These brands irritate me, and are such clichés. I am grateful that I have better taste than those mentioned. To inspire me and others, I will be giving a new selection of clothing articles in each volume/edition of this series. Each selection will remind me to contribute to what I now call my Diesel Clothing Fund, and you are more than welcome to contribute, seeing as each set of 3 items will cost around $500 on average. This is an extreme goal, and this will be extreme weight loss.

I will be carrying around a picture of that fat greasy bastard, and may build my selection as time goes on. There are two very obese co-workers at my current job, and whenever I get a new phone with a working camera, I will take pictures and save them for easy access wherever I am, whenever I have an urge to gorge myself as I so often did and still somewhat do. It’s time for me to take control of the only part of me that upsets me.

I enjoy being a pretentious twit. I enjoy being selfish. I enjoy being a fucker. I enjoy the way I am. I enjoy being able to speak out. I like having an amazing speaking voice that some people mistake for apathy. I love not having to have sex with everyone to feel good about myself. I love still being able to appreciate the rest of me even though I don’t look fantastic on the outside. I long for the day that my current skills of being a bastard, fucker, bitch, come to equality with the outside me. Of course, you guys will love me then, because more attractive people get to be twits.

My plans are basically making more money by doing web design. This will be a lot easier once the economy improves (at least a little bit). I also look forward to perhaps moving up to a better position within the next year or two at my job, perhaps to the IT department. It would be nice to boost my salary by 125%, right? Ah, dreams, dreams. Let’s make this shit a reality. Whether you support me or not, I’ll be moving forward. I’d prefer if you don’t support me — it’ll make this shit a lot easier.

The only people that I know will support me every hour of every day are Eric and James. The rest of you can do as you please. Feel free to take this advice and mold it to your own liking. If anyone has any other supportive ideas, feel free to let me in on it! If it works well for me, I’ll be more than happy to give you a gift card to any restaurant or retail store of your choice ranging in various dollar amounts. I look forward to your ideas, and I hope you look forward to my continuing series, and next time, I’ll be providing more enticing pictures– I promise.

Here’s one pretentious prick signing off for tonight. I love you Eric, always. You will always be my brother. I love you, James, though you won’t see this for God knows how long. You’ll always be my boy.

I couldn’t help but flip back through the hundreds of comments on My Starbucks Ideas, a great site for customers who want to share their ideas with the world. I’ve run across a lot of great ideas (and voted for them once I registered on starbucks.com), such as rewarding frequent (“VIP) patrons with a discount, receiving a free drink on your birthday, and Starbucks‘ version of the Speedpass – a card you swipe with all the custom preparation requests you like for your morning kick. These ideas all satisfied me. One idea upset me a bit — making Starbucks ‘kid-friendly.’ One mother quipped with the notion that the only places with playgrounds that are kid-friendly are fast-food places. Gee. Go figure. A place where manners don’t matter. Who cares if your gut is hanging out? Amazing. These places were so generous to put ugly, bacteria-ridden play things to separate noisy children and their irresponsible parents. Go Mickey D’s.

So what’s the thing that triggered this blog? Simple: A penny.

From the ‘suggestion’ directly [direct link - do use caution; this page has over 475 comments, and some computers will be a-hurtin' for up to thirty seconds on this page]:

On March 11, 2008 an amazing Starbucks Barista named Sandra Andersen donated one of her kidneys to a regular customer named Annamarie Ausnes. Annamarie had Polycystic Kidney Disease (PKD), which is shared my 600,000 Americans and which causes your kidneys, over time, to fail. Either you need dialysis, where you are attached to a dialysis machine for 3 times a week for approximately 4 hours a session (resulting in huge blocks of time away from work or family), or you need to obtain a kidney donation (which are very hard to come by) or you die. The story of this remarkable gesture is available on www.cnn.com (search “Barista donates kidney to save customer’s life”.)

The PKD Foundation (www.pkdcure.org) is a 4-star not-for-profit (check them out on www.charitynavigator.com) dedicated to finding a cure for this deadly and common genetic disease. There are several clinical trials underway to try to find a cure for PKD but funding (most of which comes from the NIH) is difficult because many Federal programs are paying the price of a costly war. The PKD Foundation needs to find private funding sources to help fight this dreadful disease.

My program proposal is simply to create “A Penny to Fight PKD” Campaign at Starbucks. Every cup of coffee or tea at any Starbucks in the world would have a penny going to the PKD Foundation to help pay for research to cure PKD. That way, the noble gesture of someone like Barista Sandra Anderson won’t be needed to keep PKD-afflicted customers alive.

Thank you for reading my proposal and lending your voice in support.

Aww. This moved me so deeply… until I realized what a crock of shit this is. But–but Frederick! Edward! Whatever the hell your name is this year! How can you be so insensitive to a disease that almost no one has heard of, yet so many people seem to be aware of it on My S-bux Ideas?!

Oh. Well, here’s my comment:

Wow.

I think I scrolled through about 400+ comments and didn’t really find anything that outright disagreed.

This idea sucks.

@matmater: thank you for being honest. [He said that Starbucks shouldn't focus on just one cause and I agree.]

There are so many more illnesses out there. Why are we (a) doing just 1 cent, (b) limiting the donation to one disease, and (c) not mentioning all the other ‘silent killers’ like Alzheimer’s? Goodness.

I guess none of you have any family that have been affected by anything and that everyone you know is in perfect health, with exception to PKD, whatever that means.

Honestly, there are so many better causes. After donating hundreds of hours at Parkland Hospital (the Dallas county hospital here in Texas), I know that there are many other problems out there. All problems are equally important when they affect you, but this isn’t just you… there are so many sick people, and it’s so sad. Unfortunately, I think it’s better to say that we should focus on the greater good. CONGRATULATIONS. A Starbucks employee did something generous. How rewarding. How nice to turn it into a MARKETING PLOY so that Starbucks can, again, appear oh so never-ending generous, to infinite causes. Instead of buying a cup of coffee, why don’t you people try this..

YOU ARE NOW ALL GOING TO HATE ME…

How about you donate $3.00 to PKD for a year, and be done with it?

That’s essentially what you would be doing if you visited Starbucks every working day of every week, including (paid) holidays (and sorry- no vacation for you, you 5-cent donor!). Did anyone else not see this?

How about all the ladies who pop in once a week, perhaps on Saturday? Thank you, your generous donation of 52 cents a year will cure the grave illness which I still know nothing about. [I'm not saying it's not unimportant.]

I think this is a good way to publicize good deeds so that Starbucks can again try and lower prices through free advertising while saying that the economy is just too darned bad to lower the prices on their 92%+ profit margin drinks.

Seriously?

How about this. One day out of the year, the first day of the year, you can choose whether you want to take a penny away from each drink you order, or give your whole heart out (pun intended) and pay $6 for a drink instead of $3? Oh, you’re not a regular? Come in twice a week? Very well, sir, your coffee will be $2.50 instead of $1.

PLEASE PEOPLE– Do NOT say it’s small differences making a big difference.

How about this– donate an hour’s worth of your salary one day a year, and if you have a nice low-but-average salary, you will donate for over 6 years of your otherwise ‘generous’ donation.

Just ask people, “Would you like to donate $1 this week to the good cause [of the week/month]? Ask it on Mondays only. Ta-da… I’ve just increased your donations by 5,000%. Was that hard?

Seriously, people. You saw one lovely little idea, and didn’t even want to consider being generous on your own.

For everyone who goes 5x a week, go ahead and donate over 10-year’s worth of patronage to Starbucks in 5 minutes: [link to donate directly]

The minimum amount you can donate is 10 years… for those who venture in 1-2 times a week, it’s about 25-50 years, depending on how loyal you are to such a giving organization.

Thanks for reading this. I appreciate you all, and hope that this opened your eyes to see (a) what a crude, blunt, and honest person I am, and (b) how I have seen what goes on in hospitals, and (c) that there are so many more things wrong with the world that plague us as well. Please be generous. Small things can have big results, but something so insignificant will make that big result take 5,000% longer.

It sucks being so logical sometimes. You shake up everyone’s little snow globe and I don’t think they like that very much. To hell with them. They’ll get shaken, too, and I think that’s my point.

Please don’t think I’m not religious, because I do believe in a higher power that created us, and that there is a higher power that can help us through difficult times and performs miracles, but sometimes, I think certain public figures overstep their boundaries. This e-mail was just too funny to pass up and post on my blog. Again, don’t get the wrong idea. I believe in morals and all that, but sometimes, I wonder how people can support everything the Bible says, but only when… convenient.

Enjoy.

 Rated TV-14 for Controversial Topics.

—Begin E-Mail Message, forwarded from Kathryn T.—

Dr Laura and Leviticus,

Laura Schlesinger is a US radio personality, who dispenses advice to people who call in to her radio show. She recently said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination, according to Leviticus 18:22, and cannot be condoned under any circumstances. The following response is an open letter to Dr. Laura which was posted on the Internet.

Dear Dr. Laura:

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God’s Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination… End of debate.

I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other elements of God’s Laws and how to follow them.

1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can’t I own Canadians?
2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?
3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness – Lev.15: 19-24. The problem is how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.
4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord – Lev.1:9. The problem is, my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?
5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath.Exodus 35:2. clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?
6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination – Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don’t agree. Can you settle this? Are there ‘degrees’ of abomination?
7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle- room here?
8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?
9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?
10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev.19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? Lev.24:10-16. Couldn’t we just burn them to death at a private family affair, like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy considerable expertise in such matters, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God’s word is eternal and unchanging.

Your adoring fan,
Homer Simpson-Caldwell

—End E-Mail Message—

I couldn’t pass up this one… I had to pass it on. Happy Holidays!

P.S. Hope everyone is enjoying my cheesy holiday theme! =]

Rated TV-14 for Mature Language.

[Random Thought: When are they coming out with a "Chicken Soup for the Profane Soul"? That would be killer in sales, I think. Moving on...]

If you want to know what actually happened to 183 and don’t care to read my humorous introduction, find the “Start Editorial” mark.

Check out these numbers (in no particular order):

• 86
• 183
• 114
• 482
• 1382
• 12
• 30
• 75
• 356
• 35
• 348
• 354
• 635
• 33
• 289

What am I talking about? The latest combos at McDonald’s? The number of tracks I have from each of my favorite artists? None of the above. I was on every one of these highways today, and it was hell–even more than usual, but there’s an explanation for that. Half of them have alternate names.

Highways are hell, regardless of when over-sized and wide loads run into them. Some of them change names multiple times… Some of them are confusing as hell. For example, E. Northwest Hwy. Well, good luck trying to figure out which direction that fucking thing runs. Belt Line Rd. Oh goodness, the ever-prevalent Belt Line Rd. This bitch runs in every possible direction, and with aliases at its most southern point! This thing is east, west, north (with a different name), south, north, south (yes, twice), and then a four-digit road, then west. What the hell? Then I saw, “482: Storey Ln.” I thought, well, I only know of Story Rd., here in Irving, but 482 sounds familiar… Why didn’t they just say “Spur 482″ like they do on the other side, coming from 183 or Loop 12? No, the name is changed, and for about 30 feet, there’s a road called Storey Ln., made just to disorient you. Some highways are just in rush hour mode from sunrise to sunset. I-35. Need I say more?

I could go on and on about how much longer it took me to drive to meet up with my friend Kathryn for lunch (she works at Firewheel Shopping Center) and get back home than it did for me to actually find a good suit, a few good shirts, and some gorgeous ties. I could also go on by saying I had to pay a toll, three times, and the third time, I had thrown my change and it said I still owed 10 cents, and I reached down and found all I had–besides pennies– a quarter! Oh, what luck, I am saved! Right as I threw the quarter in, it said I already had enough money inserted and the light turned green and turned red before I entirely made it through. The car behind me just tailed my ass and didn’t pay at all. Irony, Irony, Irony. Everywhere.

I feel deep sympathy for this highway. All the shit that’s been exploded onto it, placed on it, run into it, time after time… Not to mention cars falling off of this highway in front of me, too. All of these things lead me to believe two things: 1) God hates Highway 183 (aka Airport Freeway, then Highway 10 if you’re heading West on it towards Euless), and 2) it’s time for an editorial since a majority of us didn’t seem to know why traffic was so painfully slow today, and heavy wherever it wasn’t necessarily moving at the rate of a tortoise.

—Start Editorial—

360 DEGREES OF CHAOS ON 183
By: Frederick Szczepanski

“One lane is now open…heading eastbound on the 183,” was the last I heard of the catastrophic blow to a bridge of 183, the most recent report on the radio station KRLD 1080, on a story which I was following since noon today. It was 7PM and I was just making it home. I was on my way to South Irving, near I-30 territory, coming from Fire Wheel Shopping Center.

WFAA’s reported stated “Highway 183 was closed in both directions near Texas Stadium Thursday afternoon after a truck carrying oil well drilling equipment struck an overpass over Loop 12.” Loop 12 North was closed off at this point.

Making the way around the metroplex, particularly through Irving, Dallas, and surrounding locales was quite challenging for many commuters. The Texas Dept. of Transportation, or TxDOT, urged commuters to avoid the area if at all possible.

A definite date and time for repair of the bridge, entirely, was unknown, but sources indicate that 183 should be open for business, but only at 66% capacity eastbound at last check. All roadways should be cleared and accessible by midnight.

Star-Telegram indicated, “Texas 183, or the Airport Freeway, was closed at two spots — eastbound at Carl Road and westbound at the 183/114 split — to allow TxDOT crews to work on the bridge. The eastbound frontage road of Texas 183 was still passable.”

The main cause for delay, aside from visible structural damage to multiple rungs beneath the bridge, was also the incredible amount of debris the collision caused.

Highway 183 has been involved in the press multiple times this past year in relation to accidents.

In May 2006, a gas tanker collided with the highway’s bridge while heading Northbound on MacArthur and exploded, killing the driver. A $636,000 emergency contract with Gibson & Associates emergency repair contract was drawn up shortly after. The bridge was fixed within days of the May 28th contract and accident. Parts of the bridge which were not damaged physically can still be seen covered with black smoke that originally came from the tanker’s gas contents.

In early August this year, a car made a sharp turn and lane change and ended up upside down on the southbound side of Story Rd., having fallen off from Highway 183. Paramedics and fire trucks were called to the scene for injuries, but all parties involved survived. The vehicle did not.
—End Editorial—

This is pretty unrelated, but I just had to throw this in. Seems like an old grandmother (is there any other kind?) decided to divert attention away, briefly, from the 183 mess to herself as she drove into a Post Office in Duncanville a few hours after the spotlight roadway event of the day.

Lesson of the day? Sometimes, Sprint’s location service doesn’t always work, and sometimes, roads are just plain vicious. And so are the drivers.

According to a recent blog entry I randomly read on some website I’m not citing, having a specific title about what is in the entry is best so that people don’t have to read your entire long entry to figure out what’s really in it…

P.S. My favorite rule is listed last (:

So why are my blogs so abstract? I guess because I want you to find what interests you in them, but I’m sure everyone will enjoy this blog entry because it relates to something everyone over the age of 18 probably does. My ‘theories for the road’ have been reinforced time and time again, but tonight truly proved it. Now presenting, The Unwritten Rules of the Road!

If you feel the urge to be an ass among for your fellow drivers, remember who may be around you–that’s right, someone who can give you a ticket worth a few hundred dollars, or worse. One ticket, topped at almost $300, was enough for me, and gave me a great wake-up call to respect the road. Of course, all laws have slack in them, so you have to find that slack, and find it appropriately.

The Unbreakables – Do NOT break these rules. Doing so will cause you to be considered an idiot by 100% of the people around you, and is just downright dangerous. Please avoid the following:

1. Crossing a double solid yellow line. You’re just asking for an accident, or much worse.
2. Rapidly/randomly/excessively changing lanes during heavy traffic loads. This goes without saying, but many people with cars that they think are invincible try this all the time.
3. Speed excessively, or speed in general, with children or others [you care about] in the car. Drive as recklessly as you want when no one else is in the car, and when there are no cars or people around. However, when can you be completely certain of this? You are in control of every one’s life when you are on the road, so be sensible. You never know what’s around the corner, or over the hill (if you know me well enough, you know what significance that has for me).
4. Making left turns or going straight through a yellow/red light while all lanes are not occupied. I’m not advocating the use of the yellow light to mean go faster but if you are going to run a light, please make sure that all lanes are occupied, as in, there is someone sitting in each lane on both sides of the road. Not checking this will most likely cause an accident, because if someone sees green, they aren’t going to slow down and come to a complete stop, then go with everyone else… just something to think about.
5. Don’t be in a dangerous rush. Not thinking about crossing four lanes to the other side (or any other brainless maneuver) is just as dumb as the chicken that tried to cross the road, with the keyword being “tried.”
6. Stay within your lane of traffic. I see people weaving around all the time. That’s a quick way to get pulled over (or worse, again) as cops are more concerned with getting dangerous people such as those drunk, high, or unlicensed, off the road, faster than those who are simply trying to shave a few minutes off of their commute.

So, now that I’ve told you what you really shouldn’t do, here’s what you can do!

If you feel like speeding, go ahead. I recommend a radar detector if you frequently go more than 6+ mph over a posted Speed Limit of 55mph or under, or 10+ mph over a posted Speed Limit of 60mph or over on the highway. I personally use the Escort X50 8500. It’s definitely worth the money (: Moving right along, now that I’ve mentioned that, here are ….

The Breakables – The Unwritten Rules of the Road!

1. In a rich city? If you don’t have an expensive car (before after-market accessories, silly racers), use your signal always. Rich people don’t care about tickets, and cops know this. Be on the lookout!
2. If a cop is near you, show respect. This is what they care about more than you actually following the laws of transportation. This means: signal when you are near a cop; slow down to the speed that the officer is doing. If they are doing exactly the speed limit, hmm, I wonder what kind of enforcement they are working on today… Don’t be dumb.
3. In front of a cop? Do 5 over to show you aren’t a criminal and totally intimidated by the police, and if possible, use your signal and switch lanes. This will show you respect the law and your moderate speeding shows you have nothing to hide.
4. Is it the 17th of the month? Be careful, because you have the greatest chance of any day in the D/FW Metroplex to get busted on this day of the month than any other day. Four people busted within five minutes in front of me tonight. This number is actually below average of what I usually see on the 16th and especially the 17th of each month and is something I always look forward to and laugh at, thinking, how could these people not see it coming?

Be Safe, and Don’t be Stupid. Also, care for the environment!

If you see crappy, old (or new) vehicles that are shoving black smoke into the air, that means that you paid $80 for an inspection that they either didn’t go to, or had their friend at the auto shop fake. So, go ahead and learn from the Texas Commission of Environmental Quality!

“ To Report a Smoking Vehicle

(1) Upon observing a smoking vehicle, please make note of the following information:

• Texas license plate number
• Date observed
• Time (AM/PM)
• City
• Location observed

(2) Report the information to the TCEQ, within 30 days, by one of the following methods:

• Report a smoking vehicle online(in English)
• Report a smoking vehicle online(in Spanish)
• Call 1-800-453-SMOG (7664)
• Send a fax to 512/239-1500
• Mail the information to:

Smoking Vehicle Program, MC-164
Texas Commission on Environmental Quality
P.O. Box 13087
Austin, Texas 78711-3087″

I was trying to link my online Time-Warner (Cable) account to LowerMyBills, the portion of the site that offers free notification when you receive your bill and a reminder to pay before it’s due. Sounds convenient and all, except they haven’t listed Dallas, or anywhere in North Texas for that matter, on their own site. We’re still dead to them, it seems. What’s even more disturbing is there’s this “unavoidable” object called the sun, and it’s going to bother us for the rest of the week. I saw this on TWC-NT’s homepage:

“Please be advised that due to the position of the sun on October 5th, 6th and 7th, there may be a brief interference in your cable service. This interruption is a natural phenomenon and is unavoidable. We apologize for any inconvenience.”

The interruption is a natural phenomenon? How often are you going to use this one on me, guys? All right, I kid.

I decided to see this natural phenomenon and how widespread it is. Apparently, the sun is highly biased. I visited pages from other parts of Texas, including San Antonio, as well as cities in Oklahoma (they only serve two). None of these locations are going to be receiving a natural phenomenon. Maybe a higher power just doesn’t like our cities and it’s a sign. A sign to stop giving our money to TWC! Let’s all get FIOS! =)

If you don’t qualify for Verizon’s cream-of-the-crop high-speed data and TV service yet, you won’t have to wait too long. The entire Dallas area should be covered by the end of February, if not sooner.

Why would anyone be happy about something like this? Because it’s a step in the right direction with my body and my life.

I check my BMI (Body Mass Index) every few months. I put a link in that last sentence to adult calculator. If you are under 20, you can use this one. Even though you can smoke, your body isn’t finished developing entirely until you turn 21.

I used to be obese. Used to, as in, a few days ago. Now, my weight is right around 200, which puts me into the overweight category.

According to healthandfitness.com glossary, obesity is defined as follows:

“excessive fat; women-30% or more body fat; men-20% or more”

On the BMI scale, if you are over 30, you are considered obese. I like the little rotating one I have on my refrigerator. It’s a magnet from some pharmeceutical company that my mom brought home about a year ago. BMIs higher than 40 apparently get you to the “Very Obese” category. Yeah… all right. Moving on. The formula for BMI calculation with adults is as follows: weight (lb) / [height (in)]² x 703. (http://www.cdc.gov/) I don’t honestly know where that number came from, but if you click the CDC link, it will take you to the information page.

My BMI is sitting right around a mid 29. I would like it to be no higher than 25, because at my height, 18.5-25 is Normal. Of course, the number will vary based on your height. With that in mind, 125 to 168 lbs. would be the safe range for me. I would love to be 160. Seriously. That would rock. Anyway, enough self-motivation.

I’ll blog about something a bit more serious soon, I promise. It involves family, among other sensitive topics.

“Stay tuned“… because my blog has all the news that’s fit to print. Till next time.

Rated TV-PG for Sexual References. Mild Language. Reality.

You know children are becoming too sexual and too easily manipulated when MySpace has to start taking underhanded action to protect the little ones, but give the others an extra level of privacy which I don’t appreciate… All right, let’s face it– children have always been easily manipulated, so I guess it makes sense. I will just be irritated when half the profiles I attempt to view on MySpace are hidden.

Some of you may not know that I’m a moderator on MySpace, so I get to know about things a little bit in advance, and a little more in detail than what is told to you. So when I found out about this, I know it’s a good idea to protect users, but I also think that it will be abused. I honestly can not see any benefits to this. You post things on the Internet, and how can you expect them to be private? Better yet, why would you want them to be private? Why would you think that by making your page private, someone that wants to see ‘inside your friend world’ would not make another page just to add you as a friend? You think that if someone really wanted to see what was going on, that would stop them? So who are you hiding from? Freaks? Or the people who just want to check out your page and see if you’d be a good friend?

My rant may not make sense to some. I just have always seen the Internet as the place you go to to find out more about things, including people. About their lives, everything.

Did you know employers are using MySpace to see if their potential candidate for that empty spot in their office is a bad one? If they have a habit of doing drugs? If they’re a swinger? Does this make it a good reason to hide your profile? Perhaps… or maybe it’s a valid reason to keep what should be kept private, private, and only tell it to those you trust in the first place. Why post all the things nearest and dearest to you, in a place called MySpace, on a website accessed by more people on the planet than any other site, aside from search engines?

There is a line between sharing things with people that could be friends, and sharing things that you should only share with people you know are your friends. As for anyone under the age of 18 (17 in some states, such as the case is here in Texas, for true legal consent), think about what you are posting online. There are freaks everywhere, and there is no better breeding place for those freaks than on the Internet. You always think, “That could never happen to me”, but… it has to happen to someone. Just be more careful with what you put online, and make your space a public space that everyone can enjoy.

I wish MySpace didn’t have to come to implementing the feature depicted below. [More information on what led up to this can be read by a $30 mil. lawsuit - added 6/23 @ 9:50AM]

Rated TV-PG for Mild Language

I guess life would be the appropriate category for this post, eh?

Right now, quite a few things are confusing me. I don’t know what I should be doing. I know what I want to do, but even then, I know I shouldn’t, because … well, life is confusing.

Right now, I wish I wasn’t so sick. I’m cold and hot at the same time and no matter what time of day or night it is, I feel tired, irritable, and it’s getting on my nerves. I’m unsure of how people feel about me, and this is constantly running through my mind. Lately, it just feels like everything is falling apart– I hate that feeling. Why can’t life just be more enjoyable all the time? I’m not saying let it be pleasurable all the time, but why do I have to feel like something is wrong? When I said that Sunday was perfect, I had a feeling things wouldn’t be great since then, and sure enough, things all seem to be going wrong.

That isn’t to say that I don’t appreciate what I have in my life, but how can I appreciate it if I can’t really enjoy it?

I want to get things done, but I can’t. My mind is too distracted by what could happen or what already has. It’s like I can feel when something’s going to happen, but in this case, my sickness just makes my mind completely confused. It can’t think into anything, much less positive into anything. Long story short, nothing is truly wrong, but my mind is making me run in circles thinking something is.

I just want to be free dammit. I hate feeling like someone’s holding a pillow over my face. I’m just sitting in my house and I’m sweating. No, I’m not that fat. But I don’t want to be here. I want to be anywhere but here. I feel like I’m alone, but I know I am not alone. I just feel so disoriented. My heart and brain hurt. Why can’t this mess go away? I just want it to go away. Time, speed up, because I don’t like what I feel right now. Life isn’t so easy. It can’t always be how we want it to be.

I know what I know.

I can’t feel what I want to feel.

But I know what I know, and that is all that matters.

— Lyrics : “Kind of Perfect” – Armor for Sleep —

can i just be something
somewhere in your room
but you wont notice
maybe ill be paper
or books thrown on your floor
move me when you want to
ill lay where you put me
in your VCR
if i become a cassette
or on top of your computer
if that’s where i would fit
then so be it
but things cant be perfect
all the time
that i know
sometimes we just have to let some things go
i will not say one word
ill just hang around
i wont annoy you at all
when you move out ill stay
until i’m thrown away
but then it wont matter
things cant be perfect
all the time
that i know
sometimes we just have to let some things go
because
things cant be perfect
all the time
that i know
sometimes we just have to let some things go
i promise to stop now
to stop now
i promise to stop now
to stop now
but things cant be perfect
all the time
that i know
sometimes we just have to let some things go
things cant be perfect
all the time
that i know
sometimes we just have to let some things go
letting go is my life
ill be on my way.

Pre-First: Please click the entry header (above ^^^) to see all text PROPERLY FORMATTED! I can’t stress this enough. Thank you in advance! Â

First, let’s handle some business:
 [<< click me for important news!]

How about the calm after the storm?…

“My God, what a wonderful line!”

            -Blanche Devereaux, Golden Girls, referring to a quote she said after staying awake for more than two days straight and being extremely delusional while trying to write a romance novel.

Hah. I’m addicted to that crap. But, that really does bring along a few relevant points:

• Why don’t we look to the good that happens after the fact?Â
• I’m obsessed with the Golden Girls.Â
• I never realized I would love bullet-point-style writing so much.

All right, some of us must be asking, “what good that happens?” How can you possibly estimate goodness? Yes, I said goodness. Get over it. There’s a very hazy line, and you must have a clear, unbiased state of mind while trying to do this. So, let’s try a little exercise, and play a little event out, shall we?

You wrecked your mommy’s car… all right, this example is a little personal–moving on. Now, how can you possibly see the good in that? You can see the bad: she will be pissed, she will have to pay more money, she will now have a hard time trying to get you a car… oops. But, let’s see the good, if possible: she may let you drive her next car (my mother did), she may help you with car payments when you get your own if you are responsible and don’t get into more accidents… even if you do get a speeding ticket (needless to say, my mommy did).

So, the point I’m trying to make is, maybe there is good in everything that happens to us. Not to say that what happens to us is best, though. All too often, we don’t exactly know what we are doing, or we think we know what the outcome will be. But how can we possibly know that, by swatting this fly in this location, the rest of the world will live unhappily ever after, just like the TV show? We don’t know that, so we have to go on our past. Let our past shape our future, right? Eh. I’d like to think that’s true, but I don’t want to see it that way.

I want to let my past distinguish me from the present, and have the present shape my future.

At this time, I’m heavily working on the following areas:

• Weight Loss: I’ve been exercising and lifting weights. That kicks ass. And I just started this today, and I already feel 10x better!
• Attitude Adjustment: No longer am I starting needless arguments. I am trying to remain as cool as possible. Regardless of what problems I have, until I get the proper medication, it is still my responsibility to take control of myself, not others; we are all in control of ourselves, and that is what I need to learn most.
• Self Appreciation/Worth: This is seriously the most important of them all. The problem I had for years was simply not appreciating everything I had accomplished. In turn, I simply criticized myself more for the things I did not accomplish. Trying to constantly improve myself without complimenting myself proved to be deadly. Well, not deadly- I’m still here. But, nonetheless, it proved to hurt and hinder, and certainly not help.
• Self-Realism: This is a bit different than my own appreciation. This is being me, and representing what I am without infringing upon other’s rights to express themselves, as well. Why insult others if you don’t want to be insulted? Why correct them if you don’t want to be corrected?* It’s time to be me, and more importantly… [see next bullet]
• Social/Networking Skills: I need to be myself without hesitation. Once I get over the hurdle, or at least lower the hurdle height, of being negative or worrying about saying negative remarks, my conversational flow will be a lot easier, because then I will have much more time to listen to what people are saying around me, and then tune into what they have to say, and then I can expand my mind, because that’s something all of us want to do, right? [Editor's Note (that's me): That sentence has 73 words in it. Holy .... indeed.]

But, there’s still so much to learn, and explore. I have designated each day of the week to have a different focus for my mind. Though I will be trying to apply all of the following techniques equally, each day will have a unique emphasis, so that my mind isn’t so distracted by so many thoughts attempting to converge in this little brain of mine, causing even more confusion than I started off with. Observe (each day of the week is hidden to protect confidentiality of the treatment ):

• No Jealousy Day: Who cares? Other people are doing something. You are doing something else. Sure, what they are doing may be funner, but they can’t do it forever.
• Crush Negative Thoughts Day: ZAP! BAM! POOF! Get rid of all that shit that’s holding you back. It’s time to breathe easy today.
• Educate Me Day: Buy books, read ‘em, explore your world, venture out to where you never thought you could. Be free.
• Be Social/No Negative Thoughts Day: All right! You heard right. This is a day where I explicitly focus on getting to know new people. Of course, if I’m somewhere hanging out with someone on any day, and regardless of if I am at home, with someone, or out in public by myself, I will be attempting to just socialize with people. It’s something I do, but I don’t make enough of an effort. I just need to open up my arms and find people who I can connect with. Yep yep!
• ??? Day: This is a mystery day! Anything goes here! It’s also because I didn’t fill in anything on this day in my planner. Oh, I got it! Let’s call this Social/Organize It/Catch-Up Day! I will catch up on all the things that need attending to, such as some schoolwork, studying, projects, or clean my room, organize files on my computer, or just go out and have a good time if work allows. [That's a pretty vague hint as to what each day is...]
• Chill Day: Yeah, I need to have a day to just kick back. I’m sure that will rarely happen on this day, though–work ensues. [Bigger hint...] I will still be smiling to keep me, and you, happy.
• No Jealousy Day: You heard right! Another No Jealousy Day. Why be jealous of other people, if they’re not you? Once I am able to enjoy myself, jealousy will disappear, because I will know I am worthy.

So, let’s sum this entry up. I am hoping to love myself a lot more, and of course, if I don’t love myself, I won’t be able to love or care for others. That was my mistake in the past. I tried to rush through it all, and I regret it. That is the only thing I regret, and I am already making so much improvement, and I have you to thank. Enough sappiness.

SHOUTOUTZ SECTION, PART DEUX. [I love saying "Part Two" in.. French? Yeah.]

• Chris: You were great today. Lunch kicked ass. Thank you for telling me the truth about how you think I can improve! You’re a great best friend, C-Cisco
• Jose: You are awesome. You know you are. I just love talking to you as a person more and more… why I didn’t realize this sooner, I regret, but that is no longer. We live now, and the future awaits!
• Vince: OK. Thanks for calling me randomly That was cool. HAHA. You freaked the crap out of me anyway, though.
• Becky: Come on, girl! Show some love for Sara! She’s all right (:
• Jose:Â You are awesome. You know you are. I had to repeat that. Lmao.
• Zack: You’re still my best friend You know that. We just don’t talk even 20% as much! What’s up wit dat?!

Did you want to be mentioned? If so, become my friend, and mean something to me. Though everyone does, you have to make a truly special impact on my life… and all it may take is a simple “Hello” in my direction. Enjoy the present. Your future depends on it. Out.

*Few people have the right to do this. You know who you are. Correct me all you want–I look forward to it.