edward fox's reality

I was trying to link my online Time-Warner (Cable) account to LowerMyBills, the portion of the site that offers free notification when you receive your bill and a reminder to pay before it’s due. Sounds convenient and all, except they haven’t listed Dallas, or anywhere in North Texas for that matter, on their own site. We’re still dead to them, it seems. What’s even more disturbing is there’s this “unavoidable” object called the sun, and it’s going to bother us for the rest of the week. I saw this on TWC-NT’s homepage:

“Please be advised that due to the position of the sun on October 5th, 6th and 7th, there may be a brief interference in your cable service. This interruption is a natural phenomenon and is unavoidable. We apologize for any inconvenience.”

The interruption is a natural phenomenon? How often are you going to use this one on me, guys? All right, I kid.

I decided to see this natural phenomenon and how widespread it is. Apparently, the sun is highly biased. I visited pages from other parts of Texas, including San Antonio, as well as cities in Oklahoma (they only serve two). None of these locations are going to be receiving a natural phenomenon. Maybe a higher power just doesn’t like our cities and it’s a sign. A sign to stop giving our money to TWC! Let’s all get FIOS! =)

If you don’t qualify for Verizon’s cream-of-the-crop high-speed data and TV service yet, you won’t have to wait too long. The entire Dallas area should be covered by the end of February, if not sooner.

Why would anyone be happy about something like this? Because it’s a step in the right direction with my body and my life.

I check my BMI (Body Mass Index) every few months. I put a link in that last sentence to adult calculator. If you are under 20, you can use this one. Even though you can smoke, your body isn’t finished developing entirely until you turn 21.

I used to be obese. Used to, as in, a few days ago. Now, my weight is right around 200, which puts me into the overweight category.

According to healthandfitness.com glossary, obesity is defined as follows:

“excessive fat; women-30% or more body fat; men-20% or more”

On the BMI scale, if you are over 30, you are considered obese. I like the little rotating one I have on my refrigerator. It’s a magnet from some pharmeceutical company that my mom brought home about a year ago. BMIs higher than 40 apparently get you to the “Very Obese” category. Yeah… all right. Moving on. The formula for BMI calculation with adults is as follows: weight (lb) / [height (in)]² x 703. (http://www.cdc.gov/) I don’t honestly know where that number came from, but if you click the CDC link, it will take you to the information page.

My BMI is sitting right around a mid 29. I would like it to be no higher than 25, because at my height, 18.5-25 is Normal. Of course, the number will vary based on your height. With that in mind, 125 to 168 lbs. would be the safe range for me. I would love to be 160. Seriously. That would rock. Anyway, enough self-motivation.

I’ll blog about something a bit more serious soon, I promise. It involves family, among other sensitive topics.

“Stay tuned“… because my blog has all the news that’s fit to print. Till next time.

(Today is Go Crazy with Links to Outside Pages Day!)

I’m being free…Â and loving it. I don’t mean this in the emotional form. Though my emotions are a bit relaxed [thank goodness], that’s not what I’m referring to… but, first, some pimp lyrics:Â

:: Chamillionaire – Ridin (Feat Krazie Bone)Â
They see me rollin’
They hatin’
Patrollin’ and tryna catch me ridin dirty
Tryna catch me riding dirty [x4]
My music so loud
I’m swangin’
They hopin’ that they gonna catch me ridin dirty
Tryna catch me riding dirty [x4]

Before I set the scene, how about a preceding list of events? Excellent!:

<12PM: Sitting around, doing a few odds and ends I need to. Getting ready to leave around 11:30; wash the car, etc., etc.

• 12:20PM: On my way to pick Chris up; Woot.
• 1PM: Pick him up. [You were expecting this step, weren't you?]
• 1:20PM: @ My House. Just watching Law & Order… and Unsolved Mysteries. Face-stuffing: Sandwich + Chips / Salsa.
• 3PM: Take Chris home. Come home. Relax for a little bit, then clean room + wash clothes and get ready for later… which isn’t much later.
  4PM: On my way to pick up Amber. Hung out @ Parks; had Starbucks. It was grand. We spent way too much time in Brookstone. The employees were awesome, though. Comment from Amber on Apr. 12 @ 10:12PM:

I am numbero cinco! WooT! My fav number too! HeHe!

I had fun tonight babe! Lovely conversations with Brookstone employees are always delightfully! LoL!

Love ya!

<3 Amber

• 6PM: Chatted it up w/ all Brookstone employees for about thirty minutes while getting a massage in $5,000 chairs. More on that one later. Asked every possible question, and saw every possible product, including a self-setting alarm clock that resets everything-time, date, and alarm settings after power-off! Yep yep.
• 7PM: Wandering around. Eating a bit… New phone cover for Amber.
• 8PM: More wandering around + talking
• 8:15PM: On our way.
• 8:30PM: Arrived @ Amber’s house…

No more bullet points for now. A few things happened after that. When we pulled into Amber’s street, her brother, Adam, was in the house for sale next door in the driveway just smoking and chillin’. We pulled in front of him and Amber said to turn the high beams on. Haha. So cruel Anyway, I got out and talked to Adam for a few minutes. It was nice because it was another one of those times that I didn’t feel restricted as to what I was going to say.

So, now you understand why I am rambling like this. I’m not going in any chronological order, just order of importance.

This short moment made me really happy. Hanging out with Amber today and then scheduling plans for Monday during this time with Rick to hang out made everything seem to flow. On top of that, getting to talk to Jose during all this kicked ass even more. Everything seemed to just fit so perfectly. I love it when that happens. Nothing was erroneous, nothing bad happened. Some weird shit happened, but nothing too out of the ordinary. Even though we did nothing as planned, everything just went. I love it… I love it so much.

Now for some scary things:

1. On the Highway: People weaving through I-30 @ 90mph [est.] while traffic is moderately present, at least 40% highway lane occupation. I turned on my signal light to the right-most lane while previously occupying the middle-right lane, and as I did this, this sports car drove past me basically on the shoulder and barely avoided an accident because I moved over about two feet as there was NO MORE ROAD for him to drive on since that lane had already ended. *Shakes Head*
2. Emergency Braking: Long story cut short, the vehicle in front of me didn’t realize cars were stopped and many cars had to apply their brakes quickly. This is the disadvantage of being in the left lane– you must be awake at all times!… I applied my brake and switched to 2nd Gear, and as a precaution, swerved to the left emergency lane to avoid hitting any vehicles.
3. On The 35mph Road: This happened after I had dropped Amber off, and I believe that my actions prevented an accident and am proud of myself Here’s how it went down. Four cars are involved in this: Car One, Truck One, Car Two [Me], and Van One; the order listed is the order in the left lane, front vehicle first. Car One slowed down at a very rapid pace without indicating they were about to turn left, thus creating a massive quick stop in all three cars behind it. Truck One was not paying attention and so he had to stop very quickly. Car Two [Me] quickly switched to Second Gear and applied near-maximum breaking force while maintaining a calm composure. Van One behind [Me] was not paying attention and applied brakes at maximum pressure extremely late. This was noticeable visually (in my rear view mirror, a van was quickly approaching) and audibly (loud screeching sound). However, the extra step that [I] took was I saw the vehicle behind me, and once I realized that if I released my brake slightly I wouldn’t hit the vehicle in front of me, and because this vehicle would have hit me since it was older and could not apply as much brake power, I moved up as close as possible after-the-fact. Otherwise, I would have a car with a very badly damaged back, and two people with a lot of explaining to do to me.

2nd Gear, and 1st Gear: These gears may be here so that you can go uphill easier, but they are also there to apply extra braking power without any realistic possibility of damaging the engine, gears, axles [as in Amber's dad's case] or other parts or wearing them down. 2nd Gear should be used only under 60mph in most cases. So, quickly decelerate and once you approach at least 65mph, push as quick as you can on the brake. Do not pump the brake–this is ineffective and all brakes are re-calibrated several times a second anyway. This will decrease power and increase time it takes for you to stop. DO NOT SLAM YOUR FOOT DOWN ON THE BRAKE COMPLETELY. This will simply cause your vehicle to skid. Apply the maximum force minus at least 5-10%. Also, the largest problem that causes accidents is where we are looking once we realize an accident will most likely occur or will definitely occur. YOU MUST FOCUS ON WHERE YOU WANT TO GO, NOT WHERE YOU ARE HEADED. This will save your ass. It’s worked for me. For example, see 2nd Scary Example above. If you are in a residential area and the vehicle in front of you hits another car, and you will hit it because you can’t stop in time, which would you rather do– hit a curb and drive into bushes, or hit a car? It’s all about where you want to go.

I’m a huge nerd on traffic, driving, and roads… but moving on.

Tonight felt really fucking awesome for some reason. I was listening to that song, Ridin’, and I had the windows down. I was just pleased with everything that happened. I have friends, and I respect them. Most importantly, it just felt great. It was freedom at its best, and the evening was perfect. I let my speakers bump what I wanted to, the same way Chris had taught me earlier in the day, reprezent yourself, because that’s the only thing that you can do best… and go with it. Just go with it. Let shit happen. It’s all good.

I’m discovering a few more things, though. I respect myself, and I respect Jose more than ever, and it feels amazing. The only thing I want to focus on now is his friendship and getting to know the most awesome person EVAR . I feel that the only thing that truly matters at this point is getting to know him. We’ve been talking a lot longer on the phone and it’s awesome. I still love every moment that we talk, and that will not change, ever. I think everything has just completely worked out for the better. I love life, and I love the people in it.

And now…

SHOUTOUTS! LE PARTIE TRES! [Still in french...]

• Jose: Thanks for all that you do. Last night’s convo was awesome dude! You are still the most entertaining person I know. I’m glad we haven’t lost anything in our friendship, and it feels like we’re gaining it more and more with each day. I just can’t describe how pleased all of this makes me. It just .. flat out.. kicks ass, just like you
• Chris: Lunch rawked, and so do you, and so does Law & Order! Just wish you didn’t have to be home so early all the time.
• Amber: Goodness! I love hanging out with you. You’re amusing as hell. Everything around you makes you happy. You can always turn a frown upside down. Good goin’ girl
• Adam: You won’t read this, but uh, you’re a nice person. Yep.
• Rick: Thanks for calling me. You’re a good friend. Look forward to Monday!Â
• Other Peeps: You’re all awesome. The ones who comment, especially. I kid, I do kid.

Till next time. Don’t forget! Before you make a difference in someone else’s life, you must first make a difference in yours. Have a great night, and we’ll talk again soon.

Pre-First: Please click the entry header (above ^^^) to see all text PROPERLY FORMATTED! I can’t stress this enough. Thank you in advance! Â

First, let’s handle some business:
 [<< click me for important news!]

How about the calm after the storm?…

“My God, what a wonderful line!”

            -Blanche Devereaux, Golden Girls, referring to a quote she said after staying awake for more than two days straight and being extremely delusional while trying to write a romance novel.

Hah. I’m addicted to that crap. But, that really does bring along a few relevant points:

• Why don’t we look to the good that happens after the fact?Â
• I’m obsessed with the Golden Girls.Â
• I never realized I would love bullet-point-style writing so much.

All right, some of us must be asking, “what good that happens?” How can you possibly estimate goodness? Yes, I said goodness. Get over it. There’s a very hazy line, and you must have a clear, unbiased state of mind while trying to do this. So, let’s try a little exercise, and play a little event out, shall we?

You wrecked your mommy’s car… all right, this example is a little personal–moving on. Now, how can you possibly see the good in that? You can see the bad: she will be pissed, she will have to pay more money, she will now have a hard time trying to get you a car… oops. But, let’s see the good, if possible: she may let you drive her next car (my mother did), she may help you with car payments when you get your own if you are responsible and don’t get into more accidents… even if you do get a speeding ticket (needless to say, my mommy did).

So, the point I’m trying to make is, maybe there is good in everything that happens to us. Not to say that what happens to us is best, though. All too often, we don’t exactly know what we are doing, or we think we know what the outcome will be. But how can we possibly know that, by swatting this fly in this location, the rest of the world will live unhappily ever after, just like the TV show? We don’t know that, so we have to go on our past. Let our past shape our future, right? Eh. I’d like to think that’s true, but I don’t want to see it that way.

I want to let my past distinguish me from the present, and have the present shape my future.

At this time, I’m heavily working on the following areas:

• Weight Loss: I’ve been exercising and lifting weights. That kicks ass. And I just started this today, and I already feel 10x better!
• Attitude Adjustment: No longer am I starting needless arguments. I am trying to remain as cool as possible. Regardless of what problems I have, until I get the proper medication, it is still my responsibility to take control of myself, not others; we are all in control of ourselves, and that is what I need to learn most.
• Self Appreciation/Worth: This is seriously the most important of them all. The problem I had for years was simply not appreciating everything I had accomplished. In turn, I simply criticized myself more for the things I did not accomplish. Trying to constantly improve myself without complimenting myself proved to be deadly. Well, not deadly- I’m still here. But, nonetheless, it proved to hurt and hinder, and certainly not help.
• Self-Realism: This is a bit different than my own appreciation. This is being me, and representing what I am without infringing upon other’s rights to express themselves, as well. Why insult others if you don’t want to be insulted? Why correct them if you don’t want to be corrected?* It’s time to be me, and more importantly… [see next bullet]
• Social/Networking Skills: I need to be myself without hesitation. Once I get over the hurdle, or at least lower the hurdle height, of being negative or worrying about saying negative remarks, my conversational flow will be a lot easier, because then I will have much more time to listen to what people are saying around me, and then tune into what they have to say, and then I can expand my mind, because that’s something all of us want to do, right? [Editor's Note (that's me): That sentence has 73 words in it. Holy .... indeed.]

But, there’s still so much to learn, and explore. I have designated each day of the week to have a different focus for my mind. Though I will be trying to apply all of the following techniques equally, each day will have a unique emphasis, so that my mind isn’t so distracted by so many thoughts attempting to converge in this little brain of mine, causing even more confusion than I started off with. Observe (each day of the week is hidden to protect confidentiality of the treatment ):

• No Jealousy Day: Who cares? Other people are doing something. You are doing something else. Sure, what they are doing may be funner, but they can’t do it forever.
• Crush Negative Thoughts Day: ZAP! BAM! POOF! Get rid of all that shit that’s holding you back. It’s time to breathe easy today.
• Educate Me Day: Buy books, read ‘em, explore your world, venture out to where you never thought you could. Be free.
• Be Social/No Negative Thoughts Day: All right! You heard right. This is a day where I explicitly focus on getting to know new people. Of course, if I’m somewhere hanging out with someone on any day, and regardless of if I am at home, with someone, or out in public by myself, I will be attempting to just socialize with people. It’s something I do, but I don’t make enough of an effort. I just need to open up my arms and find people who I can connect with. Yep yep!
• ??? Day: This is a mystery day! Anything goes here! It’s also because I didn’t fill in anything on this day in my planner. Oh, I got it! Let’s call this Social/Organize It/Catch-Up Day! I will catch up on all the things that need attending to, such as some schoolwork, studying, projects, or clean my room, organize files on my computer, or just go out and have a good time if work allows. [That's a pretty vague hint as to what each day is...]
• Chill Day: Yeah, I need to have a day to just kick back. I’m sure that will rarely happen on this day, though–work ensues. [Bigger hint...] I will still be smiling to keep me, and you, happy.
• No Jealousy Day: You heard right! Another No Jealousy Day. Why be jealous of other people, if they’re not you? Once I am able to enjoy myself, jealousy will disappear, because I will know I am worthy.

So, let’s sum this entry up. I am hoping to love myself a lot more, and of course, if I don’t love myself, I won’t be able to love or care for others. That was my mistake in the past. I tried to rush through it all, and I regret it. That is the only thing I regret, and I am already making so much improvement, and I have you to thank. Enough sappiness.

SHOUTOUTZ SECTION, PART DEUX. [I love saying "Part Two" in.. French? Yeah.]

• Chris: You were great today. Lunch kicked ass. Thank you for telling me the truth about how you think I can improve! You’re a great best friend, C-Cisco
• Jose: You are awesome. You know you are. I just love talking to you as a person more and more… why I didn’t realize this sooner, I regret, but that is no longer. We live now, and the future awaits!
• Vince: OK. Thanks for calling me randomly That was cool. HAHA. You freaked the crap out of me anyway, though.
• Becky: Come on, girl! Show some love for Sara! She’s all right (:
• Jose:Â You are awesome. You know you are. I had to repeat that. Lmao.
• Zack: You’re still my best friend You know that. We just don’t talk even 20% as much! What’s up wit dat?!

Did you want to be mentioned? If so, become my friend, and mean something to me. Though everyone does, you have to make a truly special impact on my life… and all it may take is a simple “Hello” in my direction. Enjoy the present. Your future depends on it. Out.

*Few people have the right to do this. You know who you are. Correct me all you want–I look forward to it.

Rated TV-PG for Mild Language.

The highs were a bit higher today, but the lows a bit lower. Is that how life is? It just sort of seems to balance itself? I don’t know. At times, I wish I didn’t know, but I think, finally, it’s a good thing. This is what I call a “filler post.”

Last “episode”/blog entry, I wrote about some things that were a bit off with me. This time, I’m getting around to discussing more stuff which I think is affected by those things, causing me to act weird. Some of these things I don’t feel I will be able to change on my own just yet, but I think I will be able to handle most things.

Today, I really had nothing to do. Yes, I did quite a few sales, but otherwise, nothing. I used this time to think: think about what I am, was [if yet applicable], and want to be.Â

Habits: Those bitches! I was talking to Jose about old habits. Why exactly does it supposedly take longer to eliminate habits? I think habits are called habits in the first place because they are something we do not want to do, right? With that thinking applied, why is it, then, that the things that we did right in the first place were the habits before, and we had no problem with them, then we suddenly changed to a new habit, and want to break the habit. I would assume that breaking habits is a huge pain, right? Well…

Have a quote.

“emo boys say what they mean, mean what they say and never say anything mean…”

Hah. Yes, that quote may have seemed really useless, but sometimes, in life, just doing it for your own satisfaction is what to do best. [Follow-up from previous post!] Moving along…

Habits are weird. I didn’t realize that it would be so easy to break a habit, but just like that, I broke my negative habit. It is weird… and the thing that it takes the most of is thought. Next, it takes effort. Most importantly, you need willpower. Yeah… It won’t happen all the time, but the important thing is to make an effort. I must continue to add to my list, because there are many things that I want to change, and what better time to do it than the present? (;

Peep this! [I'm sorry; I'm horrible with puns.]

 Gotta love DeviantART.

Well, I’m really tired, but I want to finish this up. Even though my day seems weird, I think, eventually, all will be for the better. Until tomorrow, when I write something genuinely interesting. I don’t expect many comments… or do I?