edward fox's reality

Better yet, what makes life, life? What transforms us just being here into something worth experiencing?

I’ve been having a rather large problem with this lately, and it’s starting to dig deep into me. I have conflicts with money, people, money, relationships, friendships, other -ships, more money, and stress from every direction… but then again, whose life doesn’t have at least a few of these?

It’s just that mine seem to be really amplified, a lot worse than what other people are going through. Am I just being exaggerative? I don’t think I am. I don’t want to be. I want my problems to go away… but it doesn’t seem like they are improving. They just seem to be getting bigger and bigger… Hopefully the right people will notice what I’m saying here. I need help from you…

This is why my major is no longer Business Administration…

My Cubicle

We’ve all heard of “Why do you care?” We’ve probably said it many times in our lives before. But perhaps there is something there that we have not considered: the fact that we should be caring about what’s going on around us, and what’s being done for us… There’s so much that we are not aware of.

This entry is dedicated to the only person who could possibly understand this. You know who you are.
Regardless of who I may have dedicated this entry to, everyone can relate to it, so enjoy.

If you care, then perhaps life will be a little more difficult. Suddenly, you are aware of what’s gone wrong around you. Ignorance is still indeed bliss, but what is knowledge? Power? Heh. I don’t know about that one. Knowledge can be just as confusing as a lack of knowledge, and I think that’s why many of us try to not care.

We don’t even think it’s worth it.

We don’t think it’s important enough to pay attention to how someone may be affected by our actions. Even worse, for me, people don’t seem to care enough about me. Last resort actions never seemed to do the trick for me, either.

So just a word of advice. Why do you care? Hopefully you have a good reason… because I am pretty sure I do.

Here’s some randomly exciting news. My last post was the 400th one I’ve posted. This is number 401. Wow. That’s a hell of a lot of hours of sitting, typing things that no one reads. Ah, I kid. I know people read this, more often than I expect them to. Thanks for being a reader of my blog. I look forward to writing many more entries.

Do you like how I got straight to the point there? Well, even though I did, I chose a word that most people (including myself until ten minutes ago) aren’t familiar with: inutile. Sounds like futile, or… ceramic tile. But that’s beyond the point. The point is that I feel useless and it really, really sucks.

For the moment, I really have no close friends. I used to have just the right number of friends, but now, it feels like I have no one that I can share my most pathetic feelings with, and it hurts.

I don’t know why it hurts. Perhaps, as James told me, we are supposed to keep our sadness to ourselves. I’m not exactly sure on that one, but all I know is that this sadness is really getting to me. Maybe I’ll get some help for it around 3:30PM today. We’ll see, we’ll see…

Thank you for being here for me…

For those who aren’t here for me, but want to be… thank you.

For those who are temporarily not part of my life right now, you’re still in my thoughts. Don’t forget that.

Life is just so difficult sometimes. Why does it have to be? I thought life would get easier as you learned more. Ignorance is still Ace. Dammit.

For the original, inspiring blog entry, please click here: (http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendID=68694875&blogID=242742638)

I guess people are different.

When people meet me, they expect someone serious and boring… and maybe I am.

They expect me to understand everything, but I don’t.

I don’t even understand myself.

They take advantage of me, always have, always will,

but I guess it gives me a purpose.

I may come off as disrespectful,

but I don’t try to be.

I guess people just have issues with me.

I can’t control my emotions sometimes, and I’m just me.

I am not the most social person, but I try to be.

What do people want me for? I can’t find a reason as to why anyone would bother talking to me most of the time…

Money doesn’t mean anything to me, expensive vehicles don’t mean anything to me. I just search for solace.

Maybe I already found that person, who could give me this, but I lost them…

Maybe that’s not enough…

Maybe I’m not enough.

All I am certain of, is that is enough for now.

—

Peter, I love you… No matter how many times I may act fucked up, confused, emotionally unstable, angry, disoriented, confused, pissed… it’s me.

—

“Patience” by Take That
To listen to this song, go to my MySpace page.

Just have a little patience

I’m still hurting from a love I lost,
I’m feeling your frustration.
That in any minute all the pain will stop.
Just hold me close, inside, your arms, tonight,
don’t be too hard on my emotions

(Chorus)
‘Cause I, need time.
My heart is numb, has no feeling.
So while I’m still healing,
Just try, and have a little patience.

I really wanna start over again,
I know you wanna be my salvation.
The one that I can always depend.

I’ll try to be strong. Believe me,
I’m trying to move on,
It’s complicated but understand me.

‘Cause I, need time,
My heart is numb has no feeling,
So while I’m still healing,
Just try, and have a little patience, yeah
have a little patience, yeah

‘Cause the scars run so deep,
It’s been hard,
But I have to believe.

Have a little patience,
Have a little patience,

Woah, Cause I, I just need time,
My heart is numb has no feeling,
So while I’m still healing,
just try, and have a little patience,
have a little patience,

My heart is numb, has no feeling,
So while I’m still healing,
just try, and have a little… Patience

It turned three years old on March 4th of this year. How exciting! Congratulations to my blog for surviving so many years of confusion, server switches, redesigns, and, of course, me! There are plenty of other things going on in my life that I’m not sure you’d care to hear about, but I thought I would stop and give my server the belated respect it deserves… Happy B-Day, Mr. Blog programming code… stuff. We love you!

-Frederick

P.S. This is a pathetic blog entry. =)

Today (and the past two weeks) just has not been going right for me. But I liked this quote…

“We are only the sum of our experiences. Besides, some of the best things in life are total mistakes.” – from the movie “Paycheck”.

That’s all!… K thnx.