edward fox's reality

Rated TV-14 for Foul-Mouthed (Mature) Language.

Some random, yet inspiring, Sex & The City quote: “Maybe our mistakes are what make our fate. Without them, what would shape our lives? Perhaps if we never veered off course, we wouldn’t fall in love, or have babies, or be who we are. After all, seasons change. So do cities. People come into your life and people go. But it’s comforting to know the ones you love are always in your heart.”

I was going to save that for last, but maybe if I hooked you with a good opener like that, you would be more likely to read this entry. Are you interested? Well, then, okay. Let’s find out what tonight’s blog is going to talk about.

Taking Chances. Well, if you read my past few entries, they all have something in common. Since I do respect the privacy of myself and people that are close to me, I would never reveal personal details as to what’s going on in my life. Honestly, I type these blogs out to help myself sort through my thoughts, because I ravage through painful emotions a lot, and I don’t know why, still… so without further ado, let’s make this and take this away from me, and make it into something for you, the reader of blogs.

Why is it that no one seems to risk shit anymore? It seems we are all so much more cautious in how we act. I remember I used to do pretty bold things in my life… now, not so much. I’ve sort of settled down into this pathetic adult norm where the norm is all that I follow. It’s tragic, really… but I think it’s more than just that.

I think the mistakes I lack in making are making my life lack life. So maybe the woman from SATC was right. Maybe mistakes do make our fate. Maybe mistakes help us figure out what’s right and wrong… can you deny it? Can you honestly say, “I regret making this mistake because I learned nothing from it”? Or do you simply say to yourself, at times, “I regret what I have done”? There is a large difference, and I think many of us don’t realize this.

As adults, we’re trained well. We are trained to achieve, yet somehow not make mistakes. Better yet, the person who makes the fewest mistakes will rise to the top soonest, and the seal wins the fish. So, why is it then that we learn from mistakes? Is this something we tell to people who just can’t get where they want to soon enough, so we came up with a phrase to help them feel better? I think not.

I think those who make the most mistakes have the most experience. The more experience you have, the more chances you have to do something right. So go ahead, everyone, and fuck some shit up. Take some chances. This is your life here… Don’t live in the future… Don’t worry about the past. Just live in the present, because it’s the only thing you have right now. Remember that… and you’ll carry on!

Some random blog that was apparently moderately respected (because I happened to read it and so did a few thousand other people) posted rules about blogging. One of the rules was avoid abstract blog titles. Make the titles clear and to-the-point. That’s why, lately, all of my blog titles have been rather wordy. Either it’s expanded to have both an abstract and direct meaning in one clause, or it’s broken down into two so that I can have an abstract thought (in tonight’s case, “Anatomy of a Bastard Child,” which really has nothing to do with me since I had a dad and I still do–he just happens to not live with me and happened to not attend my high school graduation) and a clear, concise, to-the-point clause (“We Lose What We Want”) as well. So, there you have it. I’m modifying my writing for the masses, because what you people think counts.

Right.

Wrong.

What’s wrong? Wrong is that we are being told how to write things. Why is it more effective? Better? Wouldn’t we figure this out after writing enough? I happen to enjoy abstract titles. Why? Because it makes you read the whole thing. Sometimes… 90% of the time, I can’t sum up what the blog is about in less than five or ten words. But I digress… with intention.

So lately, I’ve been feeling ungrateful. This is a challenge in life because I think we all want something better than what we already have, but I believe there is a breaking point. The breaking point is when we start losing things we didn’t even realize we wanted or needed.

To go further, I’m specifically talking about friendships and relationships. Sometimes, we don’t realize what we had until it was lost. We didn’t care enough about it to begin with, but then, once it’s lost, we realized how much it was valued. We were hoping for something better, but what we already had was best.

I’m not talking about anything specific here. This has happened to anyone and everyone, including me. I realize now that things are not as bad as they seem, and sometimes, what we already had was the best that we could have had.

Why is it that we are not happy with what we have? I guess it’s because we are raised to reach certain expectations set by our parents, and these expectations include getting the next bigger, better thing. It’s just a tragedy that we fall victim to wanting more all too often when our lives would have been perfectly complete with what we originally had…

Results 1 – 10 of about 577,000.

I find this to be simply unacceptable. When I searched for the phrase, “No News Is Good News” on Google, I came up with that many results. Why is so widely believed that no news is good news? Perhaps we should report on the less significant things in life, because otherwise, our lives will seem fairly dreary. Maybe I’m just rambling, but I think it’s time that I blogged. Otherwise, I think life is rather a waste. When I can’t express myself, I can’t live, and what better way to express myself than through my personal blog?!

All right. If anyone knows me, and knows me well enough, you should be asking yourself, “Why this? Why now? What sparked this sudden interest in a revival of what is good?” Although that sounded like something you would hear in church, the point still stands. I’m making history here. It may not matter to you, but it matters to me, and I have said this time and time again. What we are is what we are, and the only way we can preserve our past is by logging it, or in this case, blogging. True, there are other ways to keep track of what’s going on in your life, but I think this is certainly one of the funnest ways to do so.

But I still haven’t told you why I was so interested in blogging hardXcore again… so we’ll thank Shaun for that. (Find a link to his MySpace to the right of this entry.)

A long time ago, Xanga was rather popular. I told myself that I didn’t want to have my shit hosted on another web site. Why? It was simple– I would not be able to keep my life (and its memories) on my own server space under my complete control. That meant that if the site was to shut down, what would happen to all of my writing? Would it just go away? Would no one be able to find it again? So I’m happy, knowing that I have control over my own space…

And amazingly, even after all that, I still haven’t told you why I was inspired to start writing regularly again.

The main reason is that it’s so much fun to go back and look through each little instance of your life, and see what was important at the time. Not only what was important to you, but what was important to those around you. I just think that everyone should blog. If you don’t, regularly, how else will you remember what you did last year around the 27th of January? Two years ago? Not only is it unique to see the changes you make in your life, but also the changes you make as you mature and learn from experiences.

I think that by opening up yourself to the world, it isn’t just a depressing form of repressed speech, a form where you feel like you cannot share what you are saying with others; but instead, a form of communication in which everyone is free to share it with someone else. So with that said, feel free to subscribe to my blog, and tell other people to subscribe as well! I’m happy that I have regular readers, but a lot of people have not subscribed in a long time. Let’s go, people.

Have a great day. We’ll see what I can make of mine.

It’s that time again. It’s time to recall the past; it’s time to cry over what we have lost, and what we still have. It’s that time again– the time to realize who we are, what we are, what makes us, what breaks us, what fakes us.

I recently had a relationship end… It doesn’t feel like it ended. I didn’t want it to end, but it did. Stuff just happens, right? It’s unfortunate that this happened.

I don’t know who I am sometimes. Now’s the time where I call up all of my friends, trying to take up the time that I would be using to talk to him on the phone…

Now is the time where I distract myself from the reality that’s been placed in front of me…

The pain will end soon enough. Yes, it will. I will miss it. I will miss you.

The best is what I wish for you, Peter.

Madi Don’t Leave by PlayRadioPlay
It takes a lot to phase me
I’m pretty stable, I’m pretty sane.
But I’m looking at my future,
and God do I have to lose her?
We shared conversations on how we’re all just floating
Through space and nothing matters.
I’m looking for a pattern.

Is it possible to say,
Baby lets run away to the East Coast?
Or Seattle? Corpus? Or Saint Marcus?
I’ve got a credit card, and a reliable car.
Let’s drive…to Pennsylvania.

Madi dear, can’t we just disappear
And take our chances on a teenagers romances?
Put our money where our mouth is?

It takes a lot to make me
Pretty angry and very sad.
I’m looking towards the outcome,
there must be some hidden reason.
We shared kisses upside down and on your old quilt,
By your computer I was hoping, your garage as it opened.

Is there any way you could change schools
And stay up here in Fort Worth?
Cause you’re what I look for.
I got a hopeless crush,
maybe that don’t mean much to you,
But I’m hoping this could keep going.

It’s six a.m. and ice cream is the first thing on my list.
And PEZ improves our kisses, after so many misses.