edward fox's reality

Rated G, and suitable for all ages.

Sometimes, we need a few jokes to liven the holidays up. Thankfully, halloween has the biggest collection of puns over any other holiday in history. So enjoy this friendly collection of jokes that all ages can enjoy.

From kidsdomain:

Why didn’t the skeleton cross the road? He didn’t have the guts.

What do skeletons say before they begin dining? Bone appetit!

What do ghosts serve for dessert? Ice Scream.

Why do witches fly on brooms? Vacuum cleaner cords aren’t long enough.

When is it bad luck to meet a black cat? When you’re a mouse.

What was the witch’s favorite subject in school? Spelling.

What do you call a friendly dead Egyptian? A chummy mummy.

What do you call a skeleton who won’t work? Lazy bones.

Where do baby ghosts go during the day? Dayscare centers.

How does a witch tell time? She looks at her witch watch.

Won won the skeleton beauty contest? No body.

Why do mummies make good employees? They get all wrapped up in their work.

What surgery does a vampire doctor perform? Fly by night operations.

—

From theholidayspot:

What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman? Frostbite.

How do witches keep their hair in place while flying? With scare spray.

What do ghosts add to their morning cereal? Booberries

Why did the Vampire subscribe to the Wall Street Journal? He heard it had great circulation.

—

From corsinet:
How do you fix a jack-o-lantern? With a pumpkin patch.

What did the mother ghost say to the baby ghost? “Don’t spook until you’re spooken to.”

What do ghosts and goblins drink on Halloween? Ghoul-aid.

What do you call a ghost in a torn sheet? A holy terror.

What kind of key opens a casket? A skeleton key/

What is Beethoven doing in his coffin right now? Decomposing.

Coming up, jokes that aren’t so G-rated, on a slightly different topic.

Happy Hallow’s Eve and Happy Halloween! I’m tired, so this is the best I could come up with for the occasion. Enjoy the image, taken…err… acquired from pumpkinshow!

Here are a few events that occurred within the last century on October 30th, the Eve of Halloween, provided by on-this-day.com:

• 1938 – Orson Welles’ “The War of the Worlds” aired on CBS radio. The belief that the realistic radio dramatization was a live news event about a Martian invasion caused panic among listeners.
• 1945 - The U.S. government announced the end of shoe rationing.
• 2001 - In New York City, U.S. President George W. Bush threw out the first pitch at Game 3 of the World Series between the New York Yankees and the Arizona Diamondbacks.

But what about the actual day of “evil”? Here’s what happened the 31st of the month, provided by the previously mentioned resource:

• 1864 - Nevada became the 36th state to join the U.S.
• 1952 - The U.S. detonated its first hydrogen bomb.
• 1956 - Rear Admiral G.J. Dufek become the first person to land an airplane at the South Pole. Dufek also became the first person to set foot on the South Pole.
• 2001 – Microsoft and the U.S. Justice Department reached a tentative agreement to settle the antitrust case against the software company.

That’s all I have. May your days be filled with happiness (or spookiness– your choice!). Till next time…

There are a few various reasons as to why I feel better. One of them is simply because time is the best healer. Another is because I’ve taken responsibility for my actions, but only one other person besides me, could ever take the credit for my improvement. He knows who I’m talking about, don’t you, Evan? (:

There are so many factors that influence our lives on a daily, hourly, basis. We don’t always get to control what’s going on. But, hey, let’s look on the bright side–we all have an equal shot at it.

Consider this. We are all in control of our own happiness. We are all in control of who we are and who we want to be. With that said, I will leave you with a few quotes about happiness. Today (Sunday night) turned out ending many times better than I expected. Just goes to show, you never know what’s just around the corner… and I like that.

Links after each quote will take you to brainyquote.com’s page of that quote’s author with a complete archive of their quotes on various topics, beyond just happiness in most cases.

“No one is in control of your happiness but you; therefore, you have the power to change anything about yourself or your life that you want to change.”–Barbara de Angelis

“Today I choose life. Every morning when I wake up I can choose joy, happiness, negativity, pain… To feel the freedom that comes from being able to continue to make mistakes and choices – today I choose to feel life, not to deny my humanity but embrace it.”–Kevyn Aucoin

“The happiness of your life depends upon the quality of your thoughts: therefore, guard accordingly, and take care that you entertain no notions unsuitable to virtue and reasonable nature.”–Marcus Aurelius

This upcoming quote doesn’t entirely relate to happiness, but it gets to there eventually. This falls into the same area of happiness, as far as achieving it, and the pitfalls we create for ourselves with how we think sometimes:

“Suspicion is far more to be wrong than right; more often unjust than just. It is no friend to virtue, and always an enemy to happiness.”–Hosea Ballou

And someone give the author of the next and final quote a cookie; what a genius.

“Happiness is the reward we get for living to the highest right we know.”–Richard Bach

All of the quotes above, with exception to Bach’s, are very easily interpreted. However, the rights of which we all have, aren’t the rights all of us have. We must find the highest right we know, which could only mean that our happiness is limited by our own resistance. Interesting way of saying it.

I learned a lot tonight. It’s amazing how much you can learn in a short period of time, and how much things can change. Sometimes, it’s scary, but for the most part, anticipating change makes it a bit easier and a little more worthwhile than you anticipated. There’s always an “up” side to the “down” side: you cannot go any direction but up. That is most definitely true in this case, and I’m already headed that way.

I know that sometimes I don’t act like I appreciate what I am given, and it’s true. Sometimes, I don’t. But I realize what I have and who I have in my life soon enough, and that makes everything a lot better for me. I have myself, most importantly, and the more I give to myself, the more I can share with everyone else. Every day isn’t just mine or yours. Sometimes, we have to share it. Thankfully, I’ll have no problem with that, because I know that I have an equal chance of making it my day just as someone else has the chance to make it theirs.

It’s time to stop bitching and start sucking it up. (Credit for that quote goes to the lovely Jose ) It’s time to get it together. It’s time to get where we want, and what we want, because we want it, dammit! It’s time for change, and change is here, it is now, and it’s waiting for you. And me. But I’m going with it. I’m going to stop bitching now.

Care to join me?

—

P.S. As for everyone else who is my friend, don’t think you go unappreciated, either. You all are important because you are all in my life, no matter how involved you may be in when it comes to my more personal issues. As long as you are here, that’s what counts.

 Rated TV-14 for Mature Language.Â

It’s happened. I am in complete, but temporary, isolation. My mom isn’t home. The Internet is out (as I began writing this blog). I’m in my room with the smell of fast food and the heat of too many electronic components connected into too few outlets. Sadly, all these factors up add to a sad subtraction of well-being. The well-being of me.

Nothing seemed to improve my mood yesterday, or today. It continues to become a steady decline towards what feels like the greatest depression of them all. I only have one thing on my mind: how you see me. You know who you are. You are the person that influences me and how I feel. You are the person that stares at me as I walk past you. You are the person who ignores me when I see you but you don’t “see” me. You are the person who is too good for your own body. You are America. You are not you, and you suck…

To read the rest of this entry, you must be logged in…

No, I’m not trying to do a play on words or anything. However, my college (North Lake, in Irving, TX) is going to be doing a Healthy Halloween event, sponsored by various clubs (despite what the DCCCD memo says). It’s mainly for kids, but I’m sure people will just show up for the hell of it. I’ll be there the entire time, from 4-9pm. There’s more information available through my calendar, which you can view here. If you click today’s event, it also has a link to the DCCCD’s web site. Oh. It’s FREE, and open to the public, and anyone and everyone is welcome. They are also providing flu shots for $30, and have information on much more stuff. I’m supposedly going to be in a costume, so we’ll see if that happens… (:

On a more serious (and personal) note, I apologize for the random bouts of weirdness you may have been getting from me. I have been severely exhausted lately, and hopefully that will fade away soon. I’ve also been a big more irritable than normal, but I can already tell that one is fading away. Again, I apologize for not being my usual self. We can’t all have great days, but each day is good nonetheless.

Edit: Link is fixed. The old link, /calendar/, instead of /bl0g/calendar/, now redirects to it anyway.

 Rated TV-MA for Mature Language, Graphic Violence, Reality.

Editor’s Note: This blog entry represents a breaking news story. This information is for your personal use only, and by reading it, you agree to not hold me liable for inaccuracies you derive from it.

Today feels really fucking off, for some reason. For some reason, I had a strong urge to use the word “fuck” to describe it.

It’s amazing how one day can be so amazingly different from the next…

This moment is not one I want to be in, period. For a large portion of students and adults in Orlando, FL., however, they wish that Life had a Rewind button. This is what I mean:

“A 15-year-old male student died after being stabbed at a bus stop at a central Florida high school as classes let out Thursday, authorities said.

Authorities have a 17-year-old suspect in custody in connection with the stabbing, which took place at University High School in east Orange County.

An argument between the two students began during lunchtime, and then continued after school at the bus stop when the suspect stabbed the victim with a roughly 3-inch serrated pocket knife, Orange County Sheriff Kevin Beary said.” (click here for full article – includes pictures and slideshow of the crime scene)

I received more information from my ex who lives in Florida, James. He went to the school this happened at, University High School, a part of Orange County Public Schools. He was at school at the time of the stabbing, around 2:10PM Eastern Time, but was not present at the scene, though several of his friends were.

—Begin Editorial—
Mature audiences only, please.

Editorial by Frederick Szczepanski — ORLANDO, FL: James’ friends were waiting for their school bus[es] to arrive in the bus circle. A conflict between the two students, starting around lunch, surrounded the issue of a girl, and a possible relationship with one girl in particular that both students were interested in (italicized sections are parts I assume to be true).

After school let out, James’ friends, the victim, and the suspect, were together at the bus circle on campus when the 17-year-old suspect approached the victim. He appeared to be making amends with the student as he hugged the 15-year-old.

Moments later, fellow students and friends of the victim saw blood gushing from the three stab wounds he inflicted upon the victim just seconds earlier. He bled out as students around him screamed.

The blood stain could be seen from aerial photos taken by the helicopter.

The suspect fled the scene and attempted to change clothing. He was caught by a school officer after students identified the suspect by pointing him out.

The faculty and students were equally hysterical with no restraints on their words. “Everyone was cussing, yelling, screaming”, according to James’ friend, who was standing just a few feet away from the crime as it happened. “There was blood everywhere, just gushing everywhere. It was horrible.”

James knew the victim since second grade. “I played baseball with him in 6th. I just can’t believe it.” He also knew the 17-year-old suspect, and went on to say, “I had a class with him over the summer. I fucking sat right next to him… just goes to show how much someone is truly capable of, the potential to kill and corrupt.”

—End Editorial—Â

Though it’s been just an hour, reality has been setting in since the second this vicious crime occurred on campus. His friends are torn to pieces, and could not believe something like this could happen over something so simple. Regardless, a crime of this nature should never occur, no matter what is involved or at stake. Never.

Imagine if this was at your school. Imagine if this was your friend. This is horrible. Things like this make you scared for your life. Things like this run the inevitable “why” question through your head twenty times.

There is so much violence, everywhere. Is there any safe place to be? Tall buildings? No. School? No. Subways? No. Buses? No. Cars? No. Homes?… I don’t know. I’m running out of options here.

However, we should all be thankful that we are still here. It’s just moments like this that make you wonder… what’s really going on with the world?

—Now, a Personal Reaction—

My heart goes out to the family of the victim, and to all those involved, on any level, big or small, even though there is no truly ‘small’ level of involvement. Time will heal your hearts, and those wounded are now free of pain. You will all, always, have your memories, and no one can take your memories away from you.

On top of all that I just said, there are a few other things I’m dealing with. Sometimes, I just feel off, and that made it worse. However, I believe one of my parakeets injured itself last night and it is acting really weird today. I hope she gets better soon.

Today is a sad, sad day. Time will improve all, but we can do our part… If only everyone else will do theirs as well.

According to a recent blog entry I randomly read on some website I’m not citing, having a specific title about what is in the entry is best so that people don’t have to read your entire long entry to figure out what’s really in it…

P.S. My favorite rule is listed last (:

So why are my blogs so abstract? I guess because I want you to find what interests you in them, but I’m sure everyone will enjoy this blog entry because it relates to something everyone over the age of 18 probably does. My ‘theories for the road’ have been reinforced time and time again, but tonight truly proved it. Now presenting, The Unwritten Rules of the Road!

If you feel the urge to be an ass among for your fellow drivers, remember who may be around you–that’s right, someone who can give you a ticket worth a few hundred dollars, or worse. One ticket, topped at almost $300, was enough for me, and gave me a great wake-up call to respect the road. Of course, all laws have slack in them, so you have to find that slack, and find it appropriately.

The Unbreakables – Do NOT break these rules. Doing so will cause you to be considered an idiot by 100% of the people around you, and is just downright dangerous. Please avoid the following:

1. Crossing a double solid yellow line. You’re just asking for an accident, or much worse.
2. Rapidly/randomly/excessively changing lanes during heavy traffic loads. This goes without saying, but many people with cars that they think are invincible try this all the time.
3. Speed excessively, or speed in general, with children or others [you care about] in the car. Drive as recklessly as you want when no one else is in the car, and when there are no cars or people around. However, when can you be completely certain of this? You are in control of every one’s life when you are on the road, so be sensible. You never know what’s around the corner, or over the hill (if you know me well enough, you know what significance that has for me).
4. Making left turns or going straight through a yellow/red light while all lanes are not occupied. I’m not advocating the use of the yellow light to mean go faster but if you are going to run a light, please make sure that all lanes are occupied, as in, there is someone sitting in each lane on both sides of the road. Not checking this will most likely cause an accident, because if someone sees green, they aren’t going to slow down and come to a complete stop, then go with everyone else… just something to think about.
5. Don’t be in a dangerous rush. Not thinking about crossing four lanes to the other side (or any other brainless maneuver) is just as dumb as the chicken that tried to cross the road, with the keyword being “tried.”
6. Stay within your lane of traffic. I see people weaving around all the time. That’s a quick way to get pulled over (or worse, again) as cops are more concerned with getting dangerous people such as those drunk, high, or unlicensed, off the road, faster than those who are simply trying to shave a few minutes off of their commute.

So, now that I’ve told you what you really shouldn’t do, here’s what you can do!

If you feel like speeding, go ahead. I recommend a radar detector if you frequently go more than 6+ mph over a posted Speed Limit of 55mph or under, or 10+ mph over a posted Speed Limit of 60mph or over on the highway. I personally use the Escort X50 8500. It’s definitely worth the money (: Moving right along, now that I’ve mentioned that, here are ….

The Breakables – The Unwritten Rules of the Road!

1. In a rich city? If you don’t have an expensive car (before after-market accessories, silly racers), use your signal always. Rich people don’t care about tickets, and cops know this. Be on the lookout!
2. If a cop is near you, show respect. This is what they care about more than you actually following the laws of transportation. This means: signal when you are near a cop; slow down to the speed that the officer is doing. If they are doing exactly the speed limit, hmm, I wonder what kind of enforcement they are working on today… Don’t be dumb.
3. In front of a cop? Do 5 over to show you aren’t a criminal and totally intimidated by the police, and if possible, use your signal and switch lanes. This will show you respect the law and your moderate speeding shows you have nothing to hide.
4. Is it the 17th of the month? Be careful, because you have the greatest chance of any day in the D/FW Metroplex to get busted on this day of the month than any other day. Four people busted within five minutes in front of me tonight. This number is actually below average of what I usually see on the 16th and especially the 17th of each month and is something I always look forward to and laugh at, thinking, how could these people not see it coming?

Be Safe, and Don’t be Stupid. Also, care for the environment!

If you see crappy, old (or new) vehicles that are shoving black smoke into the air, that means that you paid $80 for an inspection that they either didn’t go to, or had their friend at the auto shop fake. So, go ahead and learn from the Texas Commission of Environmental Quality!

“ To Report a Smoking Vehicle

(1) Upon observing a smoking vehicle, please make note of the following information:

• Texas license plate number
• Date observed
• Time (AM/PM)
• City
• Location observed

(2) Report the information to the TCEQ, within 30 days, by one of the following methods:

• Report a smoking vehicle online(in English)
• Report a smoking vehicle online(in Spanish)
• Call 1-800-453-SMOG (7664)
• Send a fax to 512/239-1500
• Mail the information to:

Smoking Vehicle Program, MC-164
Texas Commission on Environmental Quality
P.O. Box 13087
Austin, Texas 78711-3087″

I woke up pretty late, and slept most of the day, but during those brief periods that I stuffed my face with food and that I checked my e-mail, I was flooded with Breaking News. I saw “plane” and “crash” and thought the worst, as most New Yorkers did, and as some news articles discussed (such as MSNBC’s video feed), though we already knew this ‘panic state’ would happen.

So, there you have it. 5 Years and 1 Month + -5,-1Month = 0. Better protection? It sure didn’t feel like any of us had it.

 The way the city scrambled numerous gurneys showed disorganization. The way the federal government scrambled together fighter jets was appropriate, and I applaud their actions and speed to the fullest. Now, I feel safer. +1.

Click for a description, and larger version (with a second click)

About the title… The reason I chose it was because there are a few more blog entries to follow this one. They are all short, so you’ll enjoy them. Not saying my long articles are boring… Credibility Meter: Heading south… Done with this post.

I was trying to link my online Time-Warner (Cable) account to LowerMyBills, the portion of the site that offers free notification when you receive your bill and a reminder to pay before it’s due. Sounds convenient and all, except they haven’t listed Dallas, or anywhere in North Texas for that matter, on their own site. We’re still dead to them, it seems. What’s even more disturbing is there’s this “unavoidable” object called the sun, and it’s going to bother us for the rest of the week. I saw this on TWC-NT’s homepage:

“Please be advised that due to the position of the sun on October 5th, 6th and 7th, there may be a brief interference in your cable service. This interruption is a natural phenomenon and is unavoidable. We apologize for any inconvenience.”

The interruption is a natural phenomenon? How often are you going to use this one on me, guys? All right, I kid.

I decided to see this natural phenomenon and how widespread it is. Apparently, the sun is highly biased. I visited pages from other parts of Texas, including San Antonio, as well as cities in Oklahoma (they only serve two). None of these locations are going to be receiving a natural phenomenon. Maybe a higher power just doesn’t like our cities and it’s a sign. A sign to stop giving our money to TWC! Let’s all get FIOS! =)

If you don’t qualify for Verizon’s cream-of-the-crop high-speed data and TV service yet, you won’t have to wait too long. The entire Dallas area should be covered by the end of February, if not sooner.

… I don’t know how, after what just happened, but I am…

I’m stronger than I thought, but not as weak as I anticipated…