edward fox’s reality

So what happens when you feel really happy and nothing’s bothering you?

You don’t write blog entries.

I can’t tell you how ecstatic I am that I have met my boi Rick (boi should not be confused with boyfriend or anything, because as of now, we are just friends =) But I can so feel that we’re really close already, and I know that’s going to stay. He actually thinks before he acts, and so will I, because that’s a problem in so many current relationships. It’s just sex-based and also based on looks, which is horrid. I never do that, even though I say I only hang around beautiful people…

But Rick is by far one of the most beautiful people I’ve ever met, inside and out… Whenever I look at his pictures and into his eyes, it just makes me efel like I’m the luckiest person. His name is even in my name. It’s destiny Hehe. But yeah, he makes me really happy.

I wish you would all visit his Xanga and give him feedback on if you think we would make a good couple. Here you go: www.xanga.com/texas_boi_101 and subscribe to him while you’re at it

I just want to say right now that I care so much about you Rick, and I’ll always be here for you! These past few days have been absolutely amazing and I will always look forward to talking to you and simply being with you in the future. I look forward to our date on Saturday! I get off of work at 1:30PM so we can have the whole rest of the day to just hang out. I know it’ll be pimp and r4wkin just like you boi

This entry is enough for now, right? Oh wait…

I get Comcast Cable installed on Thursday–it’s a two-part install. Video (Cable TV) as well as Internet (Cable) will be installed this Thursday. ::Reminder to Self: Disconnect Cable Line before they arrive =P:: Part Two is our Digital Phone Service which will be installed a little after school ends, but it’s not like we’re in a hurry for that anyway.

Anyway, I’m out and happier than evAr XD
—
Here are some lyrics to my boi’s background song
—

One word breaks the code of silence,
Silence tells me all I need to know.
One Word,
One Word, tells me everything I need to know.

One word driven in to madness,
Madness driven by the depths below.
One Word,
One Word, tells me everything I need to know

[chorus]
It’s not the way that I want it,
It’s just the way that I need it.
Day after day
It’s not the way that I want it,
It’s just the way that I need it.
Day after day

PRETTY SONG, like him ^_^ Inside and out yo! XD

Have pics of him! XD

I’ve been on the phone all day long with different people, and though one person that I wanted to call me didn’t, that’s fine…

I just got off the phone (about 15 or 20 minutes ago) with a guy that is like, wow… I didn’t realize I could actually enjoy being on the phone. Though we barely started talking, it just feels right… pretty much like we’re destined to be really good friends, and who knows what else? I have a few pics of him to match a face with the happy paragraph describing Rick:

The second picture makes me so warm and happy inside–I don’t know why. I’m just so ecstatic that I met him XD We’ll see what happens next…

I’m officially happy. My life is just so wonderful, eh?

Edit: Apparently I’m cool and sweet and he loves it

It’s been a @#$%ty week– leave me alone Rated TV-14 for Mature Language.

Wheeeeeeee. I’ve had an odd week, so I’m going to show you what I wrote about three days ago but didn’t publish it… Enjoy.

I love how people switch their sexuality overnight, or something.

I’m thoroughly disappointed, if I do say so myself. And that’s me saying it lightly.

Ehhh… At least I got someone’s number at Best Buy (a customer)… hawt.

—

Whoa, how disturbing. I randomly found this block of text in someone’s AIM profile that I never talk to.
~~~
Don’t tease if you can’t please.
Don’t say if you’re not ready to play.
~~~

It _almost_ sounds wrong, but when you think about it, it seems to serve its purpose well–Represent. Represent yourself, and what you are.

So why does no one seem to be doing that lately? Today is a pretty shitty day, if I do say so myself. Let me give you the awesome rundown.

For the past few weeks, I’ve been trying to find someone to go out with, and unfortunately, I haven’t had much luck. Too bad, right? It’s just the fact that people act like they want to go out with me, but then they don’t follow through with what they say, and it’s really starting to get on my nerves. I really did lose it today– I did. I was walking down the hall with Tara and her friend (Mary) and I was just talking about what had recently happened, right. Suddenly, I just felt this rediculously strong urge to start yelling, and one of the things I yelloed [edited from ’said’) was “I fucking hate guys” … and at that exact moment, I did.

I realize that everyone’s trying to please themselves. That’s something humans are excellent at. As long as you satisfy yourself, no one else can get hurt, right?

What if you’re like me, and you try your hardest to put other people before you? You do your best to not let other people down, and you put fourth the most effort to keep them happy… I’m not going to sound emo and say, “What’s the point of it all?” or “Does it even matter?”… but, I do have a question.

Is there a point to it all, and does it even matter?

I had to do it. I really did. I just cannot deal with the fact that everyone just wants to be my friend, and if they don’t want to be my friend, they want to make out with me, then say “Hey, I realized that God will automatically send me to Hell if I am not straight, so I will change my sexuality and then be able to enter into Heaven.” I talked to my religious friends (Brandi and Tim–they’re going out; what a surprise) and they both said there is no “Automatic” ticket to Hell. I didn’t discuss the issue with either of them any deeper because it seemed relatively pointless. Why continue an issue if the possibility of people benefiting from it diminishes with each passing second that the delusion person has to think about it?

Is there a point to it all?

Maybe there is. I’m certainly trying to find it. I just feel alone when I am not going out with anyone. Certainly I’ll find a way to occupy myself, and entertain myself, and try to keep me happy…

—————

That was the end of that, so now, on Saturday, May 21, 2005 @ around 850PM, I resume my normal bloggasting.

I’ve heard a lot of great electronic music lately, so I’m actually going to share a few songs with you. If you like trance, yay, because you’re going to love this. If you don’t know what Trance is, this is actually way bent towards Melodic/NRG/Emo Trance so if you like that kind (or don’t know if you do!), check this out. The song is called

“Some Years Ago” by DJ’s @ (at) Work, which is an artist that many electronica lovers appreciate, as far as their existance goes. I’m going to upload the song now, and at the end of the post, you’ll find links to all the songs I’ve mentioned (in case I mention more, I have now covered my bases)…

Before I continue though, I got these pimp new speakers for about %40 off what you would have paid… w00t for Employee Discounts (:

Check them out here: http://www.bestbuy.com/site/olspage.jsp?skuId=6772147&type=product&id=1089245473380

Enough about that. They’re really pimp and I’m listening to them now, so yeah.

I think I’m going to discuss how I try too hard. When the guy I gave my phone number at Best Buy a few nights ago called me back, I was ecstatic and such, but now, I’m not sure if he wants to talk to me. He keeps asking if he can call me back later, but doesn’t. Second time is the charm, though– I’m not going to call him until he calls me back… and we will see how long that takes.

I’m starting to get sick of how I am living life now, so whatever. It seems that my life is becoming rather useless. I don’t really have many friends, and, well, I’m really in dire need of a companion, so I’m going to make a special campaign image… It will basically be like this… Whoever finds me someone, someone pretty and interesting, will get $50 if we stay together for more than 30 days… so the challenge is on. Go find someone I’ll like, and someone who will like me.

That’s all I have for now. Till later. And yes, I was too lazy to include a link for the song thus far, but I’ll do it soon enough.

I love how people switch their sexuality overnight, or something.

I’m thoroughly disappointed, if I do say so myself. And that’s me saying it lightly.

Ehhh… At least I got someone’s number at Best Buy (a customer)… hawt.

All right. Let’s face it. I’ve slacked, bad, for MONTHs on my blog. I apologize for that. Let’s see if I can breathe some energy into it tonight, as we’ve seen my latest posts, and they’re all crappy, if I do say so myself. Along with this post will probably come a brand-new blog design, so I’m sure everyone will fall in love with that as well…

Rated TV-PG for Mild Language… but you’ll figure that out pretty quick.

Now, on with what has happened since I last updated.

It seems like I updated a pretty long-ass time ago–Sunday to be exact.

First of all, let me say that I didn’t realize that I had good writing skills. I thought I made sentences and organized them horribly, but as I was reviewing a guy’s essay for a scholarship (I hope he doesn’t read this o_O you’re cool anyway though, if you do), I realized that I’m glad I was born in America, or the “United States” if you want to really argue with me.

Speaking of arguing… I’m going to go in reverse-chronological order. What? That means I’m going to talk about the latest event/happening in my life first. Here we go!

I had detention. That’s the newest thing… Second newest thing, my new friend (uhhh maybe you can’t have his name yet)… I was just trying to be nice, and I probably seemed relatively horny to him, or something, but before I went off to detention I gave him a hug and kissed him on the cheek and a teacher walked by and said “Come on guys, not in the hall!” That sort of pissed me off. Why can’t you just let me be? It’s not like it was on the lips, and it’s not like we were making out, so relax. Good God. Poor woman probably doesn’t have a relationship of her own in which it will probably progress into a nice happy one =) Though that made no sense, you can figure it out on your own.

So why haven’t I updated this in awhile? And did I just say I kissed a guy? Oh damn.

For the record, I’m not gay, and I’m straight, so that puts me in the middle of the playing field, last time I checked. It’s a nice place to be. You should try it. With me! Kidding. Seriously though, let’s continue.

Hours before that happened (around 12PM), I was in Ms. Cooley’s class where she was doing one-on-one sessions with students by sitting at her desk and calling each one up… one, by one. Hence the phrase, right? All right.

Mr. Reyes was supposed to tell me what time I had to stay for detention, and where I was supposed to go, but failed to mention any of this information to me, so I decided to not bother my teacher, and instead quietly called up ACAD’s (The Academy– my school’s) secretary on the 3rd floor (972-258-5300) and asked to speak to Mr. Reyes. From there, she transferred me to his ::clueless:: secretary, and she said he was out, and that I could find out how long I needed to stay once I went to detention officially. Very helpful– Thanks.

A few minutes passed by, then Ms. Cooley [insult edited out…] called me up to her desk and we had this delightful conversation.

***INITIALIZE***
Cooley: “I don’t want to see you on your phone again. If you go out into the hall and use it that’s okay, and I wouldn’t care, but you were in here.”
Me: “OK.”
Cooley: “When you’re in here, it’s strictly school matters. I don’t want you doing anything else.”
Me: “… I was talking to Mr. Reyes, and OK.”
Cooley: “No, don’t start arguing with me. I don’t have time for that.”
Me: “I wasn’t arguing– I was simply telling you who I was talking to. You said ’school matters’ and I just wanted to reiterate that I was indeed talking about a school matter.”
Cooley: “That’s it. Go to Mr. Creeger’s office. I don’t have time to deal with this.”

Very well *Sigh* I saw the e-mail she wrote to Mr. Creeger and his secretary. Again, she told a beautiful one-sided story and didn’t mention what had actually been said, but that’s how the last event went.

I wouldn’t have cared, or even mentioned this, if it wasn’t for the fact that Mr. Creeger said I couldn’t have my cellphone back until the end of the year, or unless a parent came up here and paid $15… Uhhh… You get the idea. Sounds great. Let me drag my mother up to school and make her not only have to go to work late, but also pay $15.

I find it relatively odd that I can pay for my prom tickets, sign my Graduation Pledge without a parent/guardian to review it, and make any other check out to the Academy, but on the first floor, you can’t do that. This happened to me last week on the second floor, but I got the phone back at the end of the day. If you ask me, the policy against cellphones is major bullshit. To say that you aren’t allowed to have a cellphone in the school is rediculous. What if the power went out in the school and the phonelines went down as well, and (without the ability to have an original path of imagining things) terrorists showed up? We wouldn’t be able to use our cellphones to get help. That’s the point of cellphones. They aren’t meant to just be one huge distraction, and I was certainly not distracted from anything, nor was I distracting anyone else. I was simply minding my own business…

Oh no, but the fun doesn’t end there. :Middle Finger Here:

After this had happened (yes, I’m going in reverse-chrono, but it’d be weird if I told this next part first… you’ll see), I went to lunch. Before lunch had ended, I saw Mr. Creeger, and with him was Mr. Witter, an odd-looking man if I do say so myself. I walked up to them and didn’t say anything, and Creeger proceeded to ask me what I wanted. I told him that I would like to pick up my cellphone, and he said that it’s against the law for me to be able to, regardless of if I’m 18, and I told him, “So you’re saying that our parents are still responsible even though we’re legally adults?” He shut up after that one but held his ground. Stubborn man, he is. Throughout my conversation with Creeger (and exclusively Creeger, or not?), Witter added unwitty tidbits at random, and when I walked off he mumbled something, and I said (yes, in front of the vice-principal) “How immature are you? I don’t remember inviting you into the conversation… You’re worse than a student.” and with that, I departed to Ms. Cooley’s room. Creeger had said I could get my phone back from her, and she’s still “debating” as of 2:34PM today. Whatever, whatever, whatever.

Let’s talk about yesterday. I ate lunch with my friend Estefan (Steven) Garcia, and also saw my kool friend Ziggy/Genado XD That was pretty cool, and we just talked on and on… I haven’t been able to talk to many people. Either that, or no one really seems to want to pay attention to what I have to say. Tragic, isn’t it? Not really. It makes my job a lot easier.

Filtering out Friends.

A lot of people think I’ve been an ass to them lately. If I have, it’s probably because I’m putting you through my unconscious test of how good of a friend you are. If you can put up with it, and you still talk to me, then I’ll consider you a good friend. If not, I’m done with you.

I purge people easily. I’m worse than a human shredder.

I realized that I’ve maintained a decent level of communication with a lot of people, but moreso hispanics. Why is that?

If no one knows… correction. Most people probably don’t know that I’m not just white– I’m half-white, so I can go either white or hispanic. This means that I can either be stuck-up and anti-social (white) or relaxed and accepting (hispanic). If you don’t like my stereotypical profiles, refrain from participating in the statistic.

Anyway, sometimes I wish I was completely hispanic, and sometimes I wish I was completely white. If I was completely white, I’m sure that I would fit in better, but if I was completely hispanic, I’m sure I would fit in a LOT better. Reasoning behind this is fairly simple– as long as you’re not a freak and you’re hispanic, you’ll find a nice group of people to fit into. Not groups like white people, but actual friendships like hispanics. It’s unfortunate that the ’superior race’ (who really thinks that, anyway? Rednecks? Is that it?) isn’t so superior at all. Hispanics are some of the happiest people I’ve ever seen, so what’s going on? Why are all the white people shooting up schools, and committing suicide? You don’t see hispanics losing it and shooting up random people– It’s disgusting.

And here’s another thing. How come we’re never happy? We always want more. I’m sure even Bill Gates wants to own the whole planet, right?

What can keep us happy, however, is what we’ve already had.

I had lost inspiration for awhile to write in this blog, and it’s unfortunate because I think a lot of peopel actually do take some time out of their (not-very) busy day to read it.

==================================
iNbredFreakZ: ppl like u
Intelligence Boi: You think people like me?
Intelligence Boi: LOL
Intelligence Boi: I have two friends @ school
iNbredFreakZ: i am sure u have more and dont know it
Intelligence Boi: If I don’t know it, what’s the point of their friendship?
iNbredFreakZ: well u got a good point
==================================

Really now?… So what did I just prove? That people make shitty friends now?

I think our brains have been clogged to be as condensed of thinkers as possible. Since the rapid rise of AIM usage, people have had to condense their thoughts to as fast as they can type. Thankfully, I haven’t lost all of my thinking ability just yet. Just think. You think 5 times faster than you can speak. Imagine how much slower the average person can type than they can speak, and you’ve got yourself a horribly condensed version of what you’re really thinking. With all this condensed thinking, you’re bound to not give a shit, at least, not as much as you would have before…

Presenting, Thurdsay, revisited. After I ate lunch I believe I hugged Steven or just patted him on the back or something (my memory is blurry–shove it =) and then proceeded to my boring, lonely room that is my internship. If you haven’t noticed, over the past few months, I haven’t done ANYTHING in it…

So that was Thurdsay. Now…

WEDNESDAY. [Aren’t you guys loving this?]

I went to work on Wednesday, and this was also the day that I had argued with the girl that used to take me home. Basically she tried to blackmail me by saying “If you keep calling me names” (Pause: “Retarded” in a joking sense hardly counts as name-calling, unless you are genuinely retarded, or blonde, hint-hint) “then I won’t take you home EVER again” and I said “I don’t care”, and she just lost it from there. Yesterday, she had IMed me with about five different screennames. I had blocked her first one because she said “Haha how’s your car? Oh wait, U FUCKED IT UP HAHAHA” then said “Can’t think of anything else to say, can ya?” and I said, “I’m just debating whether I should block you or not.” and her response was “You should” so I took her advice (come on now, you people know I’m literal) and she proceeded to harass me with her other accounts.

Sad thing is, I probably said “You disgust me” to her in person, and she couldn’t respond at all. It’s really pathetic how people can talk ’smack’ online, but remain silent in person. Horrid! Anyway…

I went to work after that happened, and arrived only a few minutes late. I had been arriving at work late because my transportation issues… Speaking of, we got a new car. A 2005 Toyota Corolla. Silver. Woot and such. Before I got started, I walked up to the front and was sort of joking with the manager of cashiers about when she would hire me, and she said, “Do you really want to work up here?” and I said “Sure”… and she said, “Are you dead serious? I’ll put you on the schedule for Saturday and I’ll evaluate you”… so that’s what I’ll be doing tomorrow. Between 10AM and 4PM, the pressure is on, as I “apply” for a new job through simply checking people out. If you want to, you can stop in and find me to check out with, and then compliment me. Be friendly to me, and I’ll be friendlier to you

Wednesday was also the day I met my friend Steven. He rawks Allow me to ramble about him. He’s one of those happy people that you can’t really get enough of. Some people have a depressing aura of them; not so with Steven! Since I’ve met him, I haven’t stopped smiling. I’m glad, because a lot of people have made me very disappointed in them.

One in particular is my friend I code-named “Maria.” Turns out that I did one wrong thing (grab her ass), and then she said she never wanted to talk to me again, and then she called me later on. I’m not going to deal with that stuff– no one should.

Let me explain. I had poured my heart out to that beesh, and cared about … Maria… more than anyone else since I started talking to her. It’s sort of scary to think that people can turn against you that quick… hence why I’m carefully choosing who I’m still talking.

Is the grass really greener on the other side? Seems pretty… pretty here.

Shoutout to uhh.. Juan and of course Steven (estefan) XD and Antonio and Ziggy XD and Gerardo and Christian and… ok I’m tired of that section (: And Zuri and Jessica and Jennifer and blah blah blah… LATER.

Rated TV-MA for… Uh, F’d Up Content and Mature Language, Yo.

How FUCKING DISGUSTING.

Some overweight faggot had the nerve to cheat on me. I’ve had DOZENS of relationships, and this is the first time someone’s cheated on me.

DOWN WITH WHITE PEOPLE.

GROSS.

Done.

Love to Juan, Alex, Antonio, and People who are My Friends (:

I have to add to this. Haha. I feel relieved. Relieved that I’m no longer going out with someone that’s fat and ugly (not to mention white, but is that redundant?… ;)) but also the fact that I can explore wherever now… Not like that stopped me before.

So to future crackers that want to cheat on me, Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuck You and your obsession with sex, romanticism, and pathetic cunt-style mushyness. Down with the Shit. In with the Hispanics! HAWT! Done.

Rated TV-14 for Mature Language. Reality.

I’m so sick of it! I swear.

Or maybe I don’t. But I’m still sick of it!

What if you have a friend that you make out with a lot? What if you still want to talk to that person, and enjoy talking to them, but you that person doesn’t actually want to go out with you? For lack of a better fake name, let’s go with Maria… because that’s obviously hispanic, I think.

So, Maria’s a hot hispanic girl, and that’s all good and nice. Every now and then, we make out. Woot. Woot. Woot. We lie down, and just lay with each other. Lately, we haven’t had a lot of time to talk to each other. Unfortunately, a recent incident caused us to be unable to freely talk in person. We have to act as if we don’t even really know each other in person, and that sucks. Fortunately, we still make time to talk on the phone. A lot. It’s just the fact that… I’m looking for something different.

It seems like I’m always looking for something different. No matter what I do, I always end up seeming to care more about the other person, regardless of what level of friendship or a relationship I’m looking for.

This isn’t always the case. A more recent relationship has shown that I have greatly lost my attraction to the person I’m currently going out with, mainly due to the fact that I want my ex and my friend Maria. This causes quite a mess.

If the wrong people read this blog entry, I’m done for.

So it’s this odd little competition within myself. Should I be happy enough that I’ve been chosen by my friend to make out with, without any ties? Should I want more?

Hah, no, but that’s the way humans function. What we have now will never be enough. When we get what we want, we will want to go further… Oh, I just want to be friends… no wait, let’s make out. Friends with slight benefits… No, that isn’t enough. Let’s do more. Very well. I want to go out. Let’s go out. Yay. Let’s do more. More. More.

There’s nothing wrong if it’s a natural progression, based on elements of communication and attraction (and not just ‘hottness’, as I like to call what stupid people chase after, ignoring a person’s true self–what’s inside).

I’ll admit it. I’ve given into pretty people. They bored the shit out of me, but hell was it fun to make out with them.

I guess I really haven’t established a firm goal to all this rambling. Let’s make one.

I want someone. I want them now. I know who I want, but the interactions with other people are causing conflict.

That’s it. I’m going to teach you all a lesson.

GO AFTER WHAT YOU WANT. This is mierda in its purest form. Shit, to be technical in English. I’ve been trying lately, but the level of want is certainly not mutual, or does not seem that way. I’ve gotten sick of how people expect me to know what they want. Why don’t we all try a new concept, and share with each other how we feel?

All too often, we like absorbing ourselves within ourselves, preventing our true self from being reflected in our daily actions, words, whatever.

I unfortunately don’t know _exactly_ what I want, thus the confusion… More on this later. I’m tired.

I bought my first major discounted item at BBY! I got a 512MB MP3 Player. Lovely.