edward fox’s reality

Rated TV-PG for Mature Language.

I’ve been feeling quite dysfunctional lately, hence the lack of entries. It seems like I’ve been oversaturated with things to do, plus I’ve been getting on everyone’s case. It’s just so unfortunate that the people I try to be nice to are people who don’t really seem to care.

So what’d I do this weekend?

Aside from yelling at everyone I possibly could (with exception to Zackie ^_^) and meeting someone new who wanted a DJ mix from me [I’ll have a link to it by the end of this post] I only did some chores; On Sunday morning, I awoke to a bloody mess, literally. My two roosters (who were in separate compartments, separated by a piece of wood) decided to fight each other and both were incredibly bloody; thankfully I got there slightly earlier than I normally would have. Both are in moderate but stable condition…

Friday, didn’t do anything. Chris was supposed to come rave with me but he couldn’t; his mother’s radiator died. On Saturday, Antonio wanted to come over, but his mother wouldn’t let him. So, I was alone on both days pretty much…

This guy that I’ve known for 6 years or so decided to call me yesterday; I felt special. He called me again later; I hung up on him because I was annoyed with him =) I was annoyed with everyone, though, then got disconnected. What a sweet way to end the night.

I was watching the Oscar Pre-Show on E! and finally the actual Oscars on ABC. Not to be racial, but did anyone else think this was some sort of Black Person Reunion?

Even the hosts, greeting celebrities, white and black, were treating them (and even saying they _were_) family. All around, it seemed so casual, and I was left staring at the Television while the host (a large fat woman with breasts that “jiggled like jello” when she talked or moved, according to my mother and myself) had a nice private conversation in front of millions of viewers… Things were discussed that I’m sure not even the actors cared about. Regardless, I sat through the “Commercial-Free” hour of the program, as little blurbs of advertising pushed half the screen aside, or popped up on the bottom-left with obnoxious noises. This was definitely not my day.

Finally the Oscars came on, and what si thsi, a black Host! Chris Rock hosted the event, saying some mildly entertaining jokes. I especially enjoyed the ones about Bush, but, that’s just me =) The graphics were quite nice, and the show went smoothly. However, it’s unfortunate that an event like the Oscars had to be rated TV-14 for Language.

Moving along, let’s talk about last week.

On Monday, I had a rehearsal for Orchestra. Too, Much, Orchestra! !@#$$ And I have a rehearsal for NPOI again tomorrow [Tuesday] which I forgot to go to last week. I didn’t know it had started. Enough boring crap with Monday.

The rest of the week went pretty uneventfully. I haven’t exactly gotten over my last ended relationship (not the shitty two-day one, mind you– the one before that). I still can’t stop thinking about what life would be like if I was still in that relationship. We’re still friends, but at times, one can only wonder…

I’ve talked to someone about going out So we’ll see how that works out. I’ll update you when I get information (if any?!)… I need someone; RAWR. Seriously. I think that when I’m not going out with someone I feel rejected by the majority of the population….

But then again, isn’t that how we always feel? Too often we’re focused with ourselves to care about how someone else is feeling, but the problem is that that is all that I do. HOLY CRAP that’s a lot of That’s; but seriously, has anyone noticed that? Juan told me on Saturday, “I guess all the things that people said about you were true.” Well, I didn’t appreciate that comment, and yes, I’m sure I can be whatever “things” people say about me, but that doesn’t make me who I am. My attitude has been changing a lot. I have been an ass lately; I’ve been immature, and unrelentlessly caring through the entire ordeal. I understand some people may care about me, but those aren’t the people I care about. Too often this is how life is. We are always looking in the wrong direction no matter what. We’re always dreaming about what can be instead of what is. Why not be happy?

Well, that’s because we’re human; if we were happy, we wouldn’t want anything else, and that probably would eliminate the possibility of expanding experience, and possible new avenues of adventure, enjoyment, and breaking away from the routine.

I guess I just tried to make this blog a little lengthy since I haven’t updated in awhile. I really have nothing good to say. At the moment, I prefer to not think. Let’s see what comes the next time I feel the urge to write…

I haven’t said this in awhile, so:
Zack’s t3h man

Another thing. Don’t get caught plagerizing!

From :
Sent : Monday, February 28, 2005 4:30 PM
To : “Fox [Frederick S.]”
Subject : So Plagiarized

You could have had an A for this six weeks. How insulting.

AB (Teacher’s Initials Changed)

I have a very large Internet pipeline mostly to myself…

Link to my Speed Test WHOA — That link made my blog go all out of proportion and such. Fixz0rd.

See? Eh? That’s around 480KBps Upload! Fascinating innit? All right…

This is going to be one long morning.

I don’t plan on making a really long entry. But let’s describe, in brief, a few thinsg that happened since I last made an entry (whenever that was…)

On Wednesday, I have no clue what happened, so you’re out of luck there.

Thursday, similar. I had to continue dealing with my hard drive, which was still corrupting (notice how I said that in the past tense…)

Friday, didn’t do much (I don’t think). I finished my website: www.drnx.net — Go me, etc. I also talked to Chris/Karla/Gilbert on the phone… It was decent. I was really pressured to finish my site, and thank god I did! (Wait until you see Sunday.)

Look! I didn’t know I could apply HTML formatting. I feel like a retard now (: [Update: No, I can’t… It only works on some of my blog codes. What the–!?]

Saturday, I had to go to a rehearsal… 9AM to 1-ish (in the afternoon)… I was supposed to go with Gilbert & others to the mall; Alas, Gilbert forgot to call… and I didn’t go… so I instead spent the evening at home! =P Something I hardly mind doing (:

Sunday, this was the day of fun. I was using my computer, and I was ecstatic because I could finally recover my “My Pictures” folder. Oh, the excitement… (not really, but you get the point.) Anyway, right as I was done saving, it asked for me to save the recovery state so that I wouldn’t have to rescan if I wanted to recover more files later… Sadly, right as this happened, my computer froze. When I tried rebooting, I received this lonely little text box on a black background:

“A disk read error has occured.
Press Ctrl+Alt+Del to restart.”

That was helpful… not. I tried running Diagnostics software and that was hopeless, too. If you’re bored already, I’m doing a topic switch, so hold out a little more…

I thought a lot about how panicked I was about not having a computer. It’s sort of weird. I have had internet since I was in 5th grade (or earlier, if it pleases you)… It was weird to be cut off from the world like that.

I don’t feel like that very often. Right now, I’m in a room by myself… However, since I’m on the computer, I’m not really cut off. Take away my computer, and you take away my communication (since I’m alone). I guess that’s how pathetic the world is now. I really need to get out more.

More on this when I have :gasp: more time. Spanish work from last class = Now.

As of right now, I have a certain amount of free time–about 45 minutes to get this blog done. I haven’t updated for an extended amount of time… I’ve been too busy trying to back up what little I can. Before I let business and pleasure (if you can call this pleasure?) mix too much, I have to tell you what’s been going on with my hard drive.

I’ve been having a mess of problems with my hard drive; Left and right, files are corrupting. Just now, Windows popped up the shutdown message with a 59-second countdown to doom. I’m now reinstalling Windows. All weekend, I have been dealing with files and folders randomly disappearing. One of the most crucial (that affects you, anyway) is my web folder. That was the first folder to just vanish without a trace; Pretty disappointing if you ask me. I also have (so far?) lost more than around 30GB of music, and the count goes up by the second (literally)… Sectors are going bad left and right on my hard drive; pretty unfortunate.

Aside from that, I haven’t really done much lately. I’ve been doing SOME thinking, but not much– thinking always makes me feel bad. I’m generally a happy person…

I forgot where I last left off. I think it was about me breaking up with someone. I still want to go back out with @#$! and @#$$ agreed to the statement that we won’t close the possibility of going back out. Don’t you love it? And me? Etc. Regardless, that’s how that went down…

With my computer messing up so much, I haven’t really had time for much of anything, though I did watch two movies on Saturday Night (watched less than 45 mins of each movie– that’s my maximum willing attention span =) … I’ve been rediculously tired lately, and I have no clue why. Lack of sleep would not be the reason. I’ve been going to sleep rather early (as in, early for me)… Times include around 11:00 or 11:30. I normally have been going to sleep much later… What’s more unfortunate is that I had actually finished all the pages on my website, with exception to the Tracklisting page. All the music is already uploaded to my site, so I don’t need to worry about redoing that…

Anyway, I feel that lately, I have become slightly more adaptive to people and how they act; I still have my same attitude, but I feel that I am actually understanding how people feel. I’m writing this half-asleep, so don’t complain about my lack of depth here.

My week has been pretty neat, even though I did a slip-up today with my best friend Chris. Long story short, I was bored and being exaggerative and turned nothing into a pointless something. Of course, that’s resolved. :Thank God for Snicker’s: Kidding. Story behind that: I had already brought the Snicker’s bar for him… I always find myself bringing food for him… CRAP I need to return his fork.

I believe I haven’t done a blog that isn’t necessarily personal. These posts may have been relative to who I hang out with, who I do and don’t like, and what my life is like, but it’s not really about things that many people question, such as the future! That’s the funnest thing to question, isn’t it?

Random Quote Injection: “If you know the future, you have no future.” It’s a nicely done quote, don’t you think? If I was to tell you, “You’ll die in 30 days”, what would you do? Right now, you might be saying “I will peacefully go around and try to go to as many raves, parties, and places as possible, and tell everyone I loe them”… When reality hits, however, you will probably end up hiding, in a hole. A small one at that. Or just wallowing in self-pity, one of my specialties! =)

Moving along…

Let’s find out what I want to do with my life.

Right now (OK, you caught/got me–not RIGHT right now) I’m filling out college apps. I’ve had to temporarily pause on those applications since I lost my username to http://applytexas.org because I placed it on my desktop… unfortunately, since then, I’ve had to reformat my Hard drive at least 4 times. I loved how I randomly capitalized things in that sentence…

Moving on. If you were to read back to one of my first posts, you would see something like “I want to be a lawyer, run the network in my office, and be a DJ.”

These priorities, however, are out of order.

Though I am a fairly rude person, nothing will stop me from trying to make people happy, especially my friends. This is why I choose so few to actually be with me. Some have an incredibly easy way of making it my best friend (”Premium” Level I think? Remember that? =P), while others will probably never reach it. A lot of people call me their friends, but are they really?

That’s one of my main dislikes of the Internet– the AIM Revolution. Suddenly, we can have all our arguments and deepest, most important discussions, right over a Text-form on the World wide Web! More instant and less private than its cousin, the pen and paper, it cuts the crap and gets to the point, in a convenient byte-size (pun! ha!… not.) log form! This can then be pasted to endless numbers of people on your Buddy List, thus making it seem like the more versatile medium for communication…

But what exactly are we accomplishing by using AIM, and other online methods of communication (excluding e-mail, in some cases)?

We’re losing our ability to do a few things.
1) By wanting answers fast, we have to limit our spectrum of thoughts so that we can answer things quicker, in a shorter amount of time. This causes us to dispense a response in less time, but prevents people from telling you how they feel to the maximum extent possible, EVEN IF you are the only person they are talking to.

2) Depth is gone. Using the same principle downside of online communication, less is less. Less time means less depth; this doesn’t just affect us when we’re online but causes us to have a lack of conversation in person. Simply put, we’re becoming way boring.

There are more things, of course, that contribute to this. Sex and Violence do a good job. Drugs probably make most people more interesting than they were before, and causes excitement in lives, so don’t blame drugs; alcohol, however, is a different story. Why people like alcohol is beyond me, but let’s save that for later. Don’t attack me (:

Windows hasn’t even STARTED installing yet. It’s doing CHKDSDK and restoring, recovering, and attempting to piece together MORE files, even though it just did this less than 24 hours ago. Hence why I call my hard drive bad and corrupt.

… That’s all I have time for today. I was really tired when I wrote that. I’ll elaborate on the future thing. All I have to say is… Miguel is uber-entertaining

I’m trying to make this brief…

I don’t really have much to comment on, but since this is almost a journal/diary, I will ramble a bit about a few things that have gone ‘down’ in the past week or so.

I have been in the New Philharmonic Orchestra of Irving; I’ve also been in the All-City Orchestra, along with Nimitz Orchestra. I had been attending rehearsals every week (and sometimes multiple times a week) for these various groups, and this took away a good amount of free time from me. I think that when I’m around people too much, I start feeling sort of unhappy. But that isn’t to say I’m _actually_ unhappy, because I don’t think that I am.

Ok, so let’s get back to that. The NPOI is an adult (mostly) orchestra for Irving, whereas All-City is comprised of High School students good enough to be accepted (which is not a difficult task at all; I’d say at least 80% of Irving Students are accepted)…

Last Friday and Saturday, the All-City Orchestra had reherasals. On Saturday, it was from 8-3PM, eliminating the possibility of me doing anything with Gilbert and meeting him for the first time in person. Oh well– the future holds more interesting things now since it hasn’t happened in the past.

I didn’t forget–Saturday evening, Juan came over for a few hours… we didn’t really do that much but I enjoyed his company as always (:

Sunday was my BiRtHdAy. Juan said happy birthday (in caps, too!) repeatedly, while Antonio (someone who now calls me a fag) thought it’d be sweet to phone me. How nice… Side-Note: I promise you I won’t do ThIs for another 361 or so days. I was supposed to go out to eat with Juan, but a few home issues prevented anything from happening that night. I instead got a large amount of work done on my site. The only hard part will be to upload all the music. I think I’ll be doing two different speeds: 32KBps WMA and 96KBps WMA (instead of 64Kbps and 148 or higher MP3, since those are the comparable bitrates with the same level of quality acheived).

Monday, what happened? I don’t think anything happened… I had a rehearsal for the NPOI Concert. 7-10PM. Tried to get some work done that night, but no such luck.

Yesterday, I had two concerts. Quite a few things happened. I showed up to the Irving Arts Center about 2 minutes late due to major road contruction and everyone hauling their ass out of MacArthur High School AQAP (As Quick As Possible) didn’t help the situation! Finally made it there and I left my backpack in the girl’s car. If you read my previous entry, you know I have no backpack… a little pre-knowledge for you.

No one else from All-City is in the NPOI; it’s just me. So, both concerts (All-City and NPOI) were held on the same night. I had to stay another hour and a half, and so the girl with my backpack already left (not that I remembered until 45 minutes after I got home, but still), and I had left my pants and T-Shirt in the rehearsal room in a @#$@@ Bag (Hey, gotta have some security.) So, I have no shiny $70 jeans, and some shirt that I enjoyed. I left a message last night, so hopefully that will clear the situation up slightly.

I am single at the moment. Anyone want me? Heh. Well, !@#$ and me decided to stay just best friends indefinitely. Our love for each other hasn’t gone anywhere, and since it was a definite mutual feeling, we don’t feel very bad about it. It’s just unfortunate that !@#$ will probably end up sharing that same uniqueness with someone else after me; I thought I would be the special one; the one and only, but this isn’t how life plays out. I cried for a few minutes, but I’m not big on that. Some people (like Juan =P) may think it doesn’t take a lot for me to cry. Some of those tears, though, were simply from caring, and not genuine sadness. I am not depressed (since that’s an incredibly harsh word) nor am I disappointed; Even though I knew this would probably happen, I still find it gravely painful that we are going on an alternate route in our relationship, and changing the elements of love to only a friendship. (Impy what you want.) I’ll always love @#$! the same no matter what–I already made up my mind on that. I haven’t lost that much though, since we don’t plan on not being anything but the best of friends =) (Well, “Bestest”, hehe).

I don’t have time for that long of an entry. I’ll send out Entry Notices sometime during 7th Period (which is around 4th Period for other campuses, or after 11:00 or so, but before 12:00). Life goes on, and it still satisfies me…

Now to work out an issue of whether other people are telling me the truth (i.e. Chris?)…

Take care everyone =) I love all my awesome friends: Zack/Juan/Chris/Miguel/Gilbert! All for n0w (;

I have no laptop, backpack, or my nifty jeans either for that matter… All scattered around Irving. My mistake =[

I’ll get it eventually…

Heh. Thought I’d let you know… Email me if you like: Host_Fox@hotmail.com!

Eh?

From: Matt Howes, National Internet Organizer, ACLU

To: ACLU Action Network Members

Subject: Tell Congress You Want Real Security Reforms, Not a War on Immigrants

Urge your Representative to oppose an unnecessary assault on immigrants that would undermine our national commitment to freedom and liberty.

The United States is a nation of immigrants with a long, proud history of granting asylum to those fleeing from religious or political persecution. But â??security reformâ? legislation introduced in Congress threatens to make a mockery of that tradition with a requirement that would force many asylum seekers to get supporting evidence from the very governments they are fleeing.

This proposed bill would also expand the PATRIOT Act to make it possible to deport long-term permanent residents for providing non-violent, humanitarian support to organizations later labeled as “terrorist” by the government, even where such support was completely legal at the time it was provided. For example, people could be deported if they gave money to a tsunami relief organization and — years from now — the government decided the organization was involved in terrorism-related activities.

Take Action! Urge your Representative to oppose this unnecessary assault on immigrants that would undermine our national commitment to freedom and liberty.

Another provision of the bill would exacerbate already troubling driver’s license provisions in the intelligence reform legislation by forcing state motor vehicle departments to implement complex immigrant laws without training or additional funds.

Several of the billâ??s controversial provisions were pulled from last yearâ??s intelligence reform legislation in part because of action by concerned individuals like you, and we need to ensure they do not pass this time either.

Click here for more information and to take action:

http://www.aclu.org/ImmigrantsRights/ImmigrantsRights.cfm?ID=17407&c=22