edward fox's reality

Rated TV-PG for Mild Language. Reader Discretion… Moderately Advised.

First and foremost, zack’s the sh1tz0rz (going back to the first blog I mentioned him in )…

I love getting homework done at odd times. That’s done– was completed around 10:10PM or so. What a beautiful time!

I was wondering about media today–specifically, music. Why is it that all the music targeted at teenagers and younger audiences is filled with violence, hate, and depression? Aren’t these exactly the things we want less of? Some of us joke about wanting such elements in our everyday lives, but when you grow up, it’s only going to get worse. We need to plan for the future without thinking about it. Just make wise decisions now and you should be OK.

So why the sudden positive message?– says you. I realized that I was losing my direction in my blog. You can’t attempt to be a positive person if you don’t make positive messages, share positive ideas, beliefs, emotions. So, here we go.

I always talk about Zack, but it was odd. Yesterday he put up an away msg that said I was the homie but someone else was the man (If you have seen his away messagse, you understand what I am talking about) … well, I got sort of sad when I saw that, but should I have been? Come on. I’ve been mentioned so many nights in his away message, and one night he doesn’t do it, and I think I did something wrong. Why do I assume that there’s something wrong? Why must I believe that someone is against me? This isn’t right… No, it isn’t.

So, what is right? What would’ve been right is not assuming anything negative in the first place. “You didn’t do anything wrong, so don’t assume you have.”–says me, in the positive past-tense. Of course I didn’t really say that. I tried hard believing it, but my mind is weird like that. You must hate it!! YOU MUST! Because, for the moment, no one can tolerate who I am as a whole person, with limited exception to a few people, and on occasion, even those people end up feeling the blunt (not that kind… we’ll get to that topic in a minute) of my sorrowing emotions, or, more-often-seen anger.

Am I really angry all the time? No! I just act like it. SO WHY ACT ANGRY IF YOU AREN’T?– says general population, while scratching their heads, looking confused. That’s a damn good question. One which I need to figure out. But, for the moment, this is my explanation. I am a very emotional person. OH NO HE’S EMO–says random emo-kid in the back row. Lol, I’m far from that. This may come as a shocker, but I really care about what everyone says. I may play it off a lot (which is sometimes a good thing…. never always a good thing. Nothing is ALWAYS a good thing) but that doesn’t mean that’s reality. Reality is much different from what we perceive.

Few of us really know what someone else is thinking anymore. Why is this? Do we not want to know?

Why don’t we want to know more about someone? Perhaps the question you should be posing is, why don’t we want to know more, period. We must back-track, to the elements of being productive, being interested. Apparently, being unproductive (lazy) and uninterested (bored) are really the “in” (cool) things to be doing.

So how does that affect friendships?– says you. Beautiful question! It does that because, we simply don’t have time to care. We’re too busy, well, wasting time doing other things. Other times, people get the wrong response from someone when they care (If you are incredibly smart, you are starting to link this paragraph and the one before it… up about 3.) What’s a wrong response, you ask? Take this situation. You’re a guy. If you’re not, too bad– enjoy this scenario. You walk up to this girl. You think she’s hot, so of course, you assume she’s a nice girl with a nice personality (WOAH LOOK AT THAT RACK! Lol.) Unfortunately, you walk up to her, say “Hey, what’s up?” She gets a different impression from you. You aren’t dressed in expensive, preppy clothes, and she assumes you MUST not be interesting. She blows you off… Oops–let’s translate. She ignores you. Badly. You go home kicking yourself in the ass, because you think you did something wrong.

Did you do something wrong? Yes, you assumed! Assuming is bad! But no! You gathered enough strength to walk up to her and say what you wanted to, so this is a lose-lose or win-win (?) situation.

GOING BACK to why we don’t express ourselves… Now, since we’re all listening to music that is depressing, or hateful, or watching movies with graphic violence (Joy?), our minds are being numbed to nothing, really. I try to have as much of a pointful (oppositive of pointLESS) conversation with people as I can. Some people think I’m a nerd. I want to talk to you, I want to get to know you. That’s what everyone used to do with each other before computers were mainstream. They *interacted*. They didn’t just IM someone randomly, lie about who they were, then eventually say who they were. You know how retarded this sounds? “So dude, how’d you meet your girlfriend?” Your response: “It was so pimping! I saw this hot gurl on buddypic.com and I like IMed her ya know and like she was hot ya know and we started talking and yea now we’re going out!” “LIKE DUDE! TOTALLY! AWESOME!” All right, a slight exaggeration, but I still get my point across.

What exactly am I trying to say?… I’m trying to say that I want to get to know everyone personally, oh so personally. I don’t want to screw you. I don’t want to see you naked. I don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable, because I _care_. That’s all I ever do. People don’t understand that, and it makes it even harder now. It’s basically “Out with caring, in with sex!”

You think you care about someone because you rolled in the sheets with them? You are so off. Love and caring are two very different things. I learned this from a really odd source. One of my friends who was going to come live with me told me, “Don’t say you love me, because love is a fleeting emotion.” So, I said I cared. Caring isn’t that easily ridded off. You can stop loving someone, but that pain you feel after you end a relationship, or if you are having problems? THAT, my friends, is what you WANT! Or, wanted, if your relationship ended (Seriously sorry to hear that). You WANT to care. They want to care. We all WANT to, but …

It’s just so uncool.

The moral? If you didn’t read any of that, just understand, caring is not something that should be ignored. When I IM some guys, they think I’m hitting on them, just because I ask personal questions. I’m just trying to get to know you. Is that such a bad thing? Being friendly? We all want friends. Let’s start trying.

Hesitantly Rated TV-14 for Mature Language. Mature Content. Sexual Referencs.

I love computers. They can’t argue back with you, unless you annoy them, or something. Anyway, let’s talk about what’s gone wrong and right this week. A little re-cap, if you will…

I don’t know but, for some reason, Zack’s away msg. says someone else is the man, so that’s been bugging me since yesterday. Oh well! I’m sure (as in, actually sure and not just saying I’m sure) that nothing is wrong, but I want to talk to him anyway…

Antonio. Just last blog I said something pleasant about an experience with him, but today, I have more negative news to report. Since many people have been accessing my e-mail without permission, or reading them without PROPER permission, and others just want sex (unrelated, half-sort-of), I believe it’s time to find out what’s wrong with the world, instead of what’s right about it.

From: antonio armijo
Date: Fri Sep 10 2004, 4:26 PM GMT-06:00
To: TheFoxBox@go.com
Subject: DUDE!! IM ME =(

DUDE WTF!! WHY U TELLING PEOPLE I SAID SHIT I DIDNT, DID I NOT EXPLAIN WE WERENT GOING TOGETHER YET!…… I SAID SHES MY GURL AS IN GONNA BE OK ! SO YEA… DUDE THATS WRONG WHAT HAPPEND TO CONFIDENTIALITY YEA SO I DONT CARE IF SHIT HAPPEND EARLIER… THATS THEN U DONT JUST GO SPREADING SHIT OUT UNTIL YOU KNOW THE WHOLE STORY

THIS is not a test!!!
THIS is real !!!

I STRICTLY ENFORCE THAT ALL COPIES OF THIS EMAIL BE DELETED FOR PRIVACY AND DO EXERCISE THE NEW INTERNET PRIVACY ACT AND I AM NOT LIABLE FOR ANY OF THE STUFF U DO AFTER U READ THIS SO HA HA DO WHAT U GOTTA DO

That bottom part was his signature, and since it doesn’t say it can’t be redistributed, I will email it for ‘privacy’ reasons. Notice how he said that I was saying s**t that he didn’t say. Then he says what I said, and then translates it into something else, as if I’m supposed to know. Right. Is that my job on this Earth? To fix your mistakes? Find them? NOT find them? Let you find what’s wrong with me, or rather, YOU, and then blame it on me? Lame. I’m just rambling now anyway, so I’m probably wrong, no? Yes? I don’t know.

Anyway, I replied with this…

Lol. I don’t care anymore. You already lost my trust when you told Rhiannon a lie. Hehe

…and received this back.

From: antonio armijo
Date: Sat Sep 11 2004, 10:36 AM GMT-06:00
To: TheFoxBox@go.com
Subject: Re: DUDE!! IM ME =(

ok well then fuck you dude if you dont care why did you talk to me at lunch if you didnt trust me then why talk to me….and just so you know me n jessica are gonna hook up and u can ask her! i dont give a fuck what you told her n krystal or crystal however you spell it…because ive already talked to her about it….so yea…..but as far as us being friends thats your choice im not gonna leave my friends over stupid shit like that you may choose to but im not.. so its your choice….

THIS is not a test!!!
THIS is real !!!

I STRICTLY ENFORCE THAT ALL COPIES OF THIS EMAIL BE DELETED FOR PRIVACY AND DO EXERCISE THE NEW INTERNET PRIVACY ACT AND I AM NOT LIABLE FOR ANY OF THE STUFF U DO AFTER U READ THIS SO HA HA DO WHAT U GOTTA DO

You may think this is wrong, pasting e-mails and whatnot, but I’ll tell you. With all the people accessing my e-mail, my screennames, I feel like I have next to no privacy. What’s worse if people think it’s cute, or OK, or funny, or amusing. It isn’t.

Here’s a rhetorical question: Do you trust everyone you talk to? If you answered yes, go stand in a corner for 15 minutes as I propose this next question. If you do trust them, you would be willing to share every detail with them about your whole life, IN detail, right? No?… But, that’s what good friends are for, no?

Unfortunately, I thought Antonio was a friend. If he still is, yay. What he’s done has affected my friendship with everyone (excluding Zack–he’s immune to this bollox/nonsense). You don’t go around saything things because you were ‘betrayed’, and it’s funny how Antonio said he would never repeat anything I’ve said, saying “u know that” over and over. And he did, and was proud of himself, it seems. I don’t know where I told Antonio to leave his other friends for me. That boy assumes a lot from “I dont care”, you know? Well, if you don’t, you’re probably Antonio.

This sounds AWFUL I know, but it’s how I feel towards everyone. It seems as if I pick on Antonio, but I really don’t. Most of you don’t understand how much I care about him (most likely more than anyone in Texas) and want to talk to him, but this week, one thing piles onto another, and it’s gotten one bigger stack of s**t every day. One person did not cause this. Two didn’t. Three didn’t. Four didn’t. Five didn’t. I don’t know how many people and situations did. Go figure.

Oh, and here we go. This guy, James, I wanted to talk to him as a friend, and then, during lunch a few days back, he told this girl that I liked him and told her that he wanted to go out with me (sorry, I have to give details, otherwise it’s hard to type this stuff out), which caused a guy to yell out “ARE YOU GAY?!” in the Cafeteria. What joy. I walked up to his friend, said that such was harassment, and she insisted she only asked a question. WHATEVER, Lol. Anyway, he already wanted to go out with me even though we hadn’t even talked and he refused to sit with me? What BS.

CONCLUSION (Or, just read this): I made a mess, other people made a mess, so let’s clean it up together. It’ll make the Earth a better place to live.

Oh, and, I DON’T WANT GUYS, James.

That is all.

Ever have one of those oddly perfect days that you wonder how it happened?

Well, my day wasn’t perfect, of course, but it certainly ended like it was.

Of course, a HUGE contribution to that, since the day I met him, is Zack. However, other factors made it better. I’m proud to announce I have Cable Internet once more, That’s not what makes the night special. It’s what’s found on the internet once you get the internet back. Music! How I have missed streaming thee from my favorite site, www.di.fm.

One of the first songs I ever downloaded (as a total n00b to electronica) was Ravers On Dope – Get High (Original Mix) I believe… Anyway, I knew I’d love electronica past then. Techno, trance, hard house (not just house, kids), DnB (drum and bass), euro, dance, club, all entice me. They should entice you, too. I have both CDs from Ravers on Dope… I might get their third, but I’m not really impressed with that single. Anyway, my day was sort of lame. Antonio bought me lunch Yes, gotta love him (: Anyway, uhh, let’s see…

Maintaining confidentiality, Zack wasn’t feeling uberly great today, so I was sort of sad, too. Come on, your best friend feels bad, you’re going to feel it, too. I tried cheering him up. If I was successful, a job well done! If not… well, I’m sure I did, heh. I love him so f-ing much. It’s just uncanny.

Some girl IMed me the other day… “btw he’s not that cute”… and, who cares? Lol. Personally, I don’t care what he looks like, since he’s my friend… and he’s straight… but, I think the thing that makes someone attractive/cute/hot (whatever) is their personality. People may seem pretty, but once you get to know them, it gets better. Like Zack, he’s hot. I base that on his personality, and he really is great.

Some people just don’t know what to appreciate in their lives. They think they are doing the right thing, going after the right people. We always want more-it is our human nature, but is that really the best thing for us? Can we not be content with what we already have? Are we EVER satisfied?

Time not only heals all, but it will tell, as well.

That is all for tonight. Did you learn something? If you’re in High school, you didn’t, but if you read this completely, you might have… (?) Have a great night. Love

Rated TV-PG for Mild Language.

So, I sit here on the bus. Maybe this will give me some spare time to fill out my blog, and fill in what’s been happening the past few days…

As we know from last episode’s blog, David has become a moderate ass, and so I’ve decided to give up on attempting to be his friend. Ouch–that came out wrong. I’m just not going t attempt to be his friend as much as I was trying before. I don’t know–I guess he thinks I still am, but it seems every time we talk, it’s just leading up to an argument…

Moving along, so, Zack and I are at our 5-Month Anniversary as of yesterday (9/7/04)–YAY. Lol. If you don’t know, Zack is my best friend. Just press Ctrl+F and search for the word Zack. You should get a few results. My first blog about him was something along the lines of “Zacko is the sh1tz0rz” or something along those lines. I still think he is, but some other people, I don’t know…

Take James, for instance. This guy that I thought was my friend. I had an annoying past with him (just like with everyone, I guess =/) and thought he would be someone OK to talk to. After what happened yesterday (him telling people that I was supposedly gay–people I didn’t even know, which yelled it out across the cafeteria?!)… I just walked off and said bye.

Earlier, a teacher decided to read the e-mails on my computer while I was out doing something for her… never doing anything for that teacher again. Lol. I guess she doesn’t have her own life to pay attention to, and has to get nosy with other people.

Antonio decided to randomly state that I’m no longer his best friend and then proceeded that because he’s not my best friend, that is the best reason, and that we haven’t been best friends for months. False Comfort. (:

Zuri is in my COLALG. Class now. I was kicked out for a few minutes yesterday as I got an attitude after lunch, because of what happened during lunch. (See Above–James.)

That’s all for today, my darlings…

I’m so painfully bored, but it seems I bring it upon myself… A few incidents.

David said that I don’t ‘put [myself] out there’ in terms of being popular, socializing, etc. Apparently, he thinks I need to do drugs, have lots of sex, and get drunks to be popular and be accepted.

Once you go to MacArthur, it seems that you always want to be in High School. At the Academy, people are dying to get out. Maybe that makes it more realistic. Maybe that saves us. Who knows?! Whatever the case, I’m deciding on being friendly to David. Lol. I’ll be nice to him, but I’m not going to try excessively as I had been.

Unfortunately, I became aggrevated with quite a few people this weekend. OK, one, which caused me to become annoyed with other people. Since I don’t feel like rambling about it, I’ll just say this. Jessica wants another guy who ‘got there first’, even though they’re a) not going out, and b) when she says she cares about him, etc etc, and wants to go out with him, he responds with “ditto”. I guess he cares a lot. *SARCASM*, Children.

I dealt with an ex of mine near the very end of my night. Sarcastic little thing. Enough on that boring topic.

Today, I was supposed to go with someone to go find new clothes (which I need just a LITTLE BIT!) but… the girl that was going to go with me, well, she never left me her cellphone number, and sorting through the 10+ “Wireless Caller”s listed on my Caller ID Database… well, would be totally pointless. Anyway, we’ll see if I go somewhere. I’ll probably call James up and see if we can go somewhere in a few days, since my mother cannot take us because she has people coming over for dinner.

That’s all for today.

—Edit: Today @ 7:15PM—
Zack well hes a great friend always there to talk, and never the less we always have a great time — Zack, talking about himself, after I asked him to. It’s probably one of the most awkward positions to put someone in–to speak about themselves… If given the opportunity to do the same, what would you say?…

Tomorrow, it will be 5 Months since I met my best friend Zack. It started out as him wanting webspace, but less than 10 days later, we knew we were most likely going to be friends forever. Yada yada, enough sweet stuff. Have two pictures of him, in beautiful wide-screen format.

Rated TV-MA for Sexual Content. Adult Content. Mature Content.
NOTE: “Adult Content” stated becasue it falls under the standard TV ratings for the program depicted below.

I’m doing a very different kind of blog today. Last night I watched Nip/Tuck, and saw just how many problems love and twisted views can cause problems in people’s lives… Let’s get started!

The following program contains violence, nudity, adult language, and adult content and is not suitable for audiences under 17. Viewer disretion is advised.

First, a recap. “Last time on Nip/Tuck”…

In this part of the re-cap, we see one of the surgeon’s wives wanting to get a breast job in an attempt to improve her self-image…

Unfortunately, he’s doing some sexual improvement with another woman in their house. Oops? She, of course, finds out, immediately.

Now on to the current episode.

A blind woman comes in, wanting new eyes. She thinks that her self-image would be improved if she didn’t look blind, but she will would be…. maybe? We find out later in the show.

On to the surgery of her eyes. Ta-da…

Meanwhile, the wife finally goes under the knife for new breasts…

Immediately following, the husband of her finds the woman with new eyes down-to-earth… This shows, love can be blind, but it isn’t blind.

After the boob job, the mom of the surgeons that she’s married to visits her in her new home, where the conditions are quite deplorable, and she cannot do anything for herself because of the new surgery.

The mother then decides to go talk to the two surgeons…

A little bit of passion, but it seems that this was appropriate, for once on television. They had sex for the right reason: they had emotional ties to sexual ones…

The wife then attempts to get approval of her husband by showing her new breasts. She wants to show them, but he doesn’t want to see them…

He acts as if he cares, but in all reality, he just can’t care anymore. He’s moved on, and she needs to as well.

She gets a bit drunk, as we can see from this shot. Unfortunately, not being sober can cause a bit of side-effects, as we’re about to see…

Totally without intent, she ends up falling through a glass door.

A shot of her hitting the ground.

Love hurts. Rejection feels worse. I’m guessing that, if this really happened (as far as reality with a real person, not an actor) the pain of shards of glass would be less than what she felt, attempting to numb it with alcohol and drugs (not shown).

———-
That’s all for this episode. Coming up on the next NIP/TUCK, as if this wasn’t twisted enough…

The program visits the “IF” Factor. What if she never left the other surgeon when she had a kid with him, and lied about it?

Would her life be this surreal?

Or this surreal?

Maybe this, too!

Then, reality sets in.

All on the next Nip/Tuck. Sept 7th, 2004. All New Episode.

If you absorbed anything from this, it should be the fact that sometimes our views are obscured by emotions. Emotions which are not our own. Think for yourself.

Another “uneventful” status day.

Not much happened today. I (somewhat) lost a chance (for right now) to go out with a girl, but the chance will come around. (Hey, I’m thinking positively.)

Anyway, let’s close with a lyrics paste tonight. I don’t have time to type out anything else. I haven’t even done my homework yet… Boo. Have a great night.
– // Ian Van Dahl – Where Are You Now //

Lie awake and wonder where you are tonight
How will I know
Search for a trace, I look around but you’re out of sight
Where did you go

Thought your love for me was strong
Was I the only one
I don’t know where we went wrong
Why did you leave me
Why did you have to go

I had a dream last night
A dream about you and me
Love should last forever baby
Where are you now

Contemplate the promise you made you’d be my friend
Until the end
My heart aches, I’m in a daze, live in no-man’s land
Where do I stand

Thought your love for me was strong
Was I the only one
I don’t know where we went wrong
Why did you leave me
Why did you have to go

I had a dream last night
A dream about you and me
Love should last forever baby
// Where are you now //

Rated TV-14 for Mature Language. Mature Content. Mild Reality.

UPDATE: The rating words have been changed from “ADULT” to “MATURE” to reflect the target age groups. By me stating mature, this means that you believe you are old enough to read and view such material (images, text, photos, videos, links, etc.) in which may be contained in this and future blogs. Past blogs still fall under the ADULT category, in which is intended for Mature Audiences, recommended over the age of 17.

Fascinating! I think it’s good to update people on how my schooling is going, and how it be, Yo. Lol. I’d like to first talk about yesterday. It seems that … David does trust me, so that really does make me satisfied.

Also, the that was going to live with me, apparently he wants his way too much, so I don’t think that’s going to happen unless he realizes other people want to have things their way occasionally and that not everyone has to give into his demands.

Yesterday, I went to court. That was probably the most hilarious court case that anyone has ever been involved in, I swear. It’s so pathetic, really. Anyway, let me get to the point. I got there around 5:15. We went home around 8:10 or so. Lots of waiting… The case itself took about 5 minutes, lol. We went in, I was sworn in, and was asked two questions. The first question (by the defense) was to explain what had happened. In case you don’t know, what basically happened was I had poked this girl in two different places in each arm (once on each arm) with a pencil because she was alleging, quite loudly, and before and after each poke, that I had sex with her boyfriend. When I said that, the jury started laughing. I was smiling because it was so pointless. What was interesting was one of the jury members (a guy)… after he heard I was accused of that, he seemed to smile at me. :::Warning: Odd moment ahead ::: I thought it was odd but cute. Lol. I was thinking, Yeah I’m never going to see you again. It was a sweet thought, though. I had talked with one of the prosecutors (and of course, both on my defense), and she thought it was amusing, as did everyone else in the courtroom… except that other defense attorney.

She asked questions along the lines of, “Did it seem as if you caused injury to her when you poked her?” and I said, basically, that she hadn’t said stop, refused, or complained at all, so no, I didn’t think I caused any. She then asked if I left any visible marks. I said yes… she then went on saying, “Can you think of any specific reason why she would charge you?” I said I didn’t know, then she said, “Any reason at all?” At this point, I was getting annoyed with the line of questioning, so I responded, “Because she thought I had sex with her boyfriend?” The questioning prosecutor mumbled to herself that she didn’t think that was the reason. The next question asked by my defense was, “How many hours of community service have you done?” (This really made people laugh)… before I say how many hours I did, the maximum I can be sentenced with is 60 for Assault Class “C”. Now, with that said, I answered with 279 hours, the number I had completed this summer at Parkland, and therefore, I basically didn’t have to do any community service. The prosecutor was just plain pissed off. Her closing statement attacked me and the fact that I didn’t care, but they asked fro the near-minimum sentence and an apology. My defense team did the same. I got the maximum, but then again, I don’t have any time to do, anyway. Lol.

That’s enough on that topic.

Before all that happened, I talked to David Wilkins on the phone for 11 minutes 19 seconds. I just glanced at the phone and remembered it– I’m not obsessed with phone times. Moving along, he does trust me, which is totally f-ing awesome, kids! I’m glad that at least I can trust someone and that they trust me, at least as far as anyone in Irving goes…

I need to talk about Zack! I haven’t lately, but he’s still entertaining me since I started talking to him and I still love him as much! *hugs zack* woot!

intelligence boi: i love you!!!!
intelligence boi: geez
intelligence boi:
intelligence boi: *hug*
intelligence boi: you’re so perfect and entertaining
intelligence boi: lol
Z4q409: i love utoo *hug*
intelligence boi:
intelligence boi: i should stick that in my blog
intelligence boi): lol.
Z4q409: yes

Lol. Obviously the SN has been slightly modified. (;

Anyway, let’s see… today was relatively boring, but at the court, I was surprised how many people were nice enough to walk up to me and talk. At least 10 different people, most of which I don’t have any classes with anymore. A few I had never even seen (mostly girls), so that was interesting…

This guy got on the bus, once it was packed right… I almost forgot to type this. Well, once that happened, I said (to someone else!) “Wow, there are a lot of people on this bus!” and this mexican guy says, “YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH DAT?!” I was like, “Was I talking to you? Hah.” and he said, “MAN SHUT THE FUCK UP NIGGA.” (Why is it that everything I type that he’s saying appears to be in CAPS? Lol.) So I was like, “Wow I didn’t know my skin looked that dark.” He then called me a white-boy, which is when I said I’m half-hispanic, so I guess both are inaccurate. HAHA. Not really that funny. Amusing? OK, I can live with that. I just wish that people would take a shower, or not wear musty-smelling clothes when they ride the bus, but then again, it IS South Irving… Hrm.

Moving along, I feel somewhat sick today, so wish me good health. OH.

One more thing… My urge to become a DJ is coming back. *breakdances* … but really, I do want to become one. That, and a lawyer. Those, and a network administrator. Oh joy, how beautiful dreams are… Dreams, and Trust.